••
♥
Bachelors should be heavily taxed.
It is not fair that some men should be happier than
others. ~Oscar Wilde
It is not fair that some men should be happier than
others. ~Oscar Wilde
••
The problem with doing nothing is you never know
when you’re done.
when you’re done.
••
"Go and have a look at the size of the poop I've just
done in the bathroom!" I said to my wife.
"No thanks," she replied.
"Please, just one quick look," I said, "You won't
believe it."
She pinched her nose, ran in, looked down the toilet,
then ran out and said, "There's nothing down there,
you must've flushed it."
I said, "It's on the scales."
done in the bathroom!" I said to my wife.
"No thanks," she replied.
"Please, just one quick look," I said, "You won't
believe it."
She pinched her nose, ran in, looked down the toilet,
then ran out and said, "There's nothing down there,
you must've flushed it."
I said, "It's on the scales."
••
My son ran into the house, ''Guess what dad,
I grabbed my first boob today.''
I replied ''Is that why you've got a black eye?''
''Yeah!'' He replied, ''Apparently big Tommy is a bit
touchy about his weight.''
I grabbed my first boob today.''
I replied ''Is that why you've got a black eye?''
''Yeah!'' He replied, ''Apparently big Tommy is a bit
touchy about his weight.''
••
Humans are the only creatures on earth that will
cut down trees, make paper,
then write “SAVE TREES” on them.
cut down trees, make paper,
then write “SAVE TREES” on them.
••
A little boy went to the store with his grandmother
and on the way home, he was looking at the things
she had purchased.
He found a package of panty hose and began to
sound out the words "QUEEN SIZE".
He then turned to his grandmother and exclaimed,
"Look Granny, YOU wear the same size as our bed!"
and on the way home, he was looking at the things
she had purchased.
He found a package of panty hose and began to
sound out the words "QUEEN SIZE".
He then turned to his grandmother and exclaimed,
"Look Granny, YOU wear the same size as our bed!"
••
I went out on a drunk last night and met this
gorgeous gal.
We made love several times before falling asleep in
each others arms.
When I woke up, I had the shock of my life.
She'd put on 60 pounds during the night.
gorgeous gal.
We made love several times before falling asleep in
each others arms.
When I woke up, I had the shock of my life.
She'd put on 60 pounds during the night.
••
If the slightest probability for an unpleasant event to
happen exists, the event will take place, preferably
during a demonstration..
happen exists, the event will take place, preferably
during a demonstration..
••
A man and his wife moved back home to North
Dakota from Arizona.
The wife had a wooden leg and to insure it in
Arizona was $2,000.00 a year!
When they arrived in North Dakota, they went to an
Insurance agency to see how much it would cost to
insure the wooden leg.
The agent looked it up on the computer and said to
the couple, "$39.00.
" The husband was shocked and asked why it was so
cheap here in North Dakota to insure, because it cost
him $2,000.00 in Arizona!!!
The agent turned his computer screen to the couple
and said, "Well, here it is on the screen, it says:
Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system over it,
is $39.00."
Dakota from Arizona.
The wife had a wooden leg and to insure it in
Arizona was $2,000.00 a year!
When they arrived in North Dakota, they went to an
Insurance agency to see how much it would cost to
insure the wooden leg.
The agent looked it up on the computer and said to
the couple, "$39.00.
" The husband was shocked and asked why it was so
cheap here in North Dakota to insure, because it cost
him $2,000.00 in Arizona!!!
The agent turned his computer screen to the couple
and said, "Well, here it is on the screen, it says:
Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system over it,
is $39.00."
••
Many girls like to marry a military man - he can cook,
sew, and make beds and is in good health, and he's
already used to taking orders.
Many girls like to marry a military man - he can cook,
sew, and make beds and is in good health, and he's
already used to taking orders.
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