••
♥
A young bride and groom-to-be had just selected the
wedding ring.
As the girl admired the plain platinum and diamond
band, she suddenly looked concerned.
"Tell me," she asked the elderly salesman "is there
anything special I'll have to do to take care of this
ring?"
With a fatherly smile, the salesman said,
"One of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to
dip it in dishwater three times a day."
wedding ring.
As the girl admired the plain platinum and diamond
band, she suddenly looked concerned.
"Tell me," she asked the elderly salesman "is there
anything special I'll have to do to take care of this
ring?"
With a fatherly smile, the salesman said,
"One of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to
dip it in dishwater three times a day."
••
My wife told me she'd like to be completely pampered
for Valentine's Day, and I'll do my best to oblige.
I only hope she's okay with the fact that in her size,
I could only find Depends......
My wife told me she'd like to be completely pampered
for Valentine's Day, and I'll do my best to oblige.
I only hope she's okay with the fact that in her size,
I could only find Depends......
••
The child was a typical four-year-old girl..
cute, inquisitive, and bright as a new penny.
When she expressed difficulty in grasping the
concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out
his wedding photo album, thinking visual images
would help.
One page after another, he pointed out the bride
arriving at the church, the entrance, the wedding
ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc.
"Now do you understand?" he asked.
"I think so," she said.
"That was when mommy came to work for us?"
cute, inquisitive, and bright as a new penny.
When she expressed difficulty in grasping the
concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out
his wedding photo album, thinking visual images
would help.
One page after another, he pointed out the bride
arriving at the church, the entrance, the wedding
ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc.
"Now do you understand?" he asked.
"I think so," she said.
"That was when mommy came to work for us?"
••
The bank manager noticed the new clerk was terrible
when it came to counting money and adding up
figures.
"Where did you get your financial education?"
he asks.
Yale replies the lad.
The manager is sure he's misheard the man,
so he asks his question again and the man again
responds, "Yale."
That can't be right, thinks the manager, so he
decides he's going to check it out online.
"And what's your full name again?" asks the manager.
"Yim Yohnston."
The bank manager noticed the new clerk was terrible
when it came to counting money and adding up
figures.
"Where did you get your financial education?"
he asks.
Yale replies the lad.
The manager is sure he's misheard the man,
so he asks his question again and the man again
responds, "Yale."
That can't be right, thinks the manager, so he
decides he's going to check it out online.
"And what's your full name again?" asks the manager.
"Yim Yohnston."
••
Senators Should Wear Uniforms like Nascar Drivers
so we could identify their Corporate Sponsors...
so we could identify their Corporate Sponsors...
••
Two cops rush to a crime scene behind a grocery
store.
The homicide detective is already there.
"What happened?" asks the first cop.
"Male, about thirty, covered in Raisin Bran and dead
as a doornail."
Oh my God," says the second officer.
"Didn't we have one covered in Frosted Flakes
yesterday?, And Captain Crunch last week?"
"You're right.
I'm afraid," said the detective as he took a drag from
his cigarette, "this is the work of a cereal killer.
store.
The homicide detective is already there.
"What happened?" asks the first cop.
"Male, about thirty, covered in Raisin Bran and dead
as a doornail."
Oh my God," says the second officer.
"Didn't we have one covered in Frosted Flakes
yesterday?, And Captain Crunch last week?"
"You're right.
I'm afraid," said the detective as he took a drag from
his cigarette, "this is the work of a cereal killer.
••
The next time you get arrested, try this....
Wait till the cop says "anything you say will be
taken down and used as evidence against you in a
court of law".
Then you say this: "please don't hit me again officer."
Wait till the cop says "anything you say will be
taken down and used as evidence against you in a
court of law".
Then you say this: "please don't hit me again officer."
••
A father was at the beach with his children when
the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his
hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull
lay dead in the sand.
"Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.
"He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said,
"Did God throw him back down?"
the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his
hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull
lay dead in the sand.
"Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.
"He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said,
"Did God throw him back down?"
••
I think men who have a pierced ear are better
prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
~ Rita Rudner
prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
~ Rita Rudner
••
An executive was interviewing a young woman for a
position in his company.
He wanted to learn something about her personality,
so he asked, "if you could have a conversation with
anyone, living or dead, who would it be?"
She quickly responded, "The living one."
position in his company.
He wanted to learn something about her personality,
so he asked, "if you could have a conversation with
anyone, living or dead, who would it be?"
She quickly responded, "The living one."
••
The Army has started kicking out overweight soldiers,
and they'rerefusing to admit recruits that are obese.
That shows you how times have changed.
Back in the '60s, you had to go to Canada to stay
out of the Army.
Now, you just have to go to McDonald's.
and they'rerefusing to admit recruits that are obese.
That shows you how times have changed.
Back in the '60s, you had to go to Canada to stay
out of the Army.
Now, you just have to go to McDonald's.
••••
