#1884

••

 

••

♥

 

Useless Knowledge;
Fish scales are used to brighten eye shadow,
nail polish, and lipstick.
So if something’s a little fishy about the gal you’re
kissing...

 

••

I once knew a chick who was half french, half
german.
she wasn't a good kisser- but she looked damn good
in jack boots!

 

••

Husband takes the wife to a disco.
There's a guy on the dance floor giving it large
break dancing, moon-walking, back flips, the works.
 The wife turns to her husband and says:
“See that guy?
25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him
down.”
Husband says:
“Looks like he's still  celebrating!!!”

 

••

I didn’t get rich by signing checks. ~Bill Gates

 

••

There was a get together given by the Catholic
Church to welcome some new members to the
community.
The Catholic Priest and a rabbi were dishing up at
the pot luck table and the Priest says to the rabbi,
 “Miss Molly’s honey glazed ham is the best in the
county.
I can’t think of a god that would decline a man from
tasting Miss Molly’s ham.”
And the rabbi says to the priest....
“I’ll try some at your wedding”

 

••

A man went to apply for a job.
After filling out all of his applications, he waited
anxiously for the outcome.
The employer read all his applications and said,
"We have an opening for people like you."
"Oh, great," he said, "What is it?"
"It's called the door!"

 

••

Q: Why do hummingbirds hum?
A: Because they don't know the words.

 

••

What do you get when you eat peanut butter with
baked beans?
You get a fart that sticks to the roof of your butt!

 

••

Tom had never been on a fishing boat before, and he
was now thinking it was the stupidest thing he'd ever
done in his life.
Who would ever have believed that seasickness could
be this awful?
With every pitch and roll, Tom wondered how he
was going to survive the remaining two hours of the
trip.
 One of the deckhands came up to him and said,
"Don't worry, young fella.
Nobody ever died of seasickness."
 "You've just taken away my last hope for relief,"

 

••••