Down Hummingbird Lane

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Warm place to nap.....

 

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♥

“I think Santa has riverfront property in Brazil.
All our presents came from Amazon this year.”

 

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My eye doctor told me this, Im not making this up.
He goes, You know you have one eye set a little bit
higher than your other eye?
No, I didnt know that.
He goes, Its no big deal; it doesnt affect your vision
or anything.
I just thought you might want to be self-conscious
for the rest of your life.

 

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Why did cavemen draw pictures of hippopotamuses
and rhinoceroses on their walls?
Because they couldn't spell their names!

 

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My wife said, "Do you think I need a face lift?"
I said, "No, of course not......
Just a good ironing."

 

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CONSULTANT: A jobless person who shows
executives how to work.
CONSULTANT (or expert): Any ordinary guy more
that 50 miles from home or office.
CONSULTANT: someone who takes the watch off
your wrist and tells you the time.

 

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I have a brother in law who put 4 car dealerships
he owned into bankruptcy.
For the last 15 years he's been a high paid consultant
showing car dealers how to run their businesses...

 

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"Mr. Clark, I'm afraid I have bad news," the doctor
told his anxious patient.
"You only have six months to live."
The man sat in stunned silence for the next several
minutes.
Regaining his composure, he apologetically told his
physician that he had no medical insurance.
"I can't possibly pay you in that time."
"Okay," the doctor said, "let's make it nine months."

 

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