••
♥
Useless knowledge;
Elephant teeth wear out quickly as a result of their herbivorous diet.
Elephants have 6 or 7 sets of teeth instead of the
2 that humans have.
••
I understand that the NFL is planning to hold the
next Super Bowl at a Motel 6. Because at Motel 6, they keep the lights on for you.
••
I couldn't find a tshirt so I raided my dad's drawers
and grabbed one of his white tees.Went off drinking in the woods with the gang and
had to take a dump.
Found a tree, got behind it, dropped a deuce and
realized, it's winter and there ain't a leaf in the
northern hemisphere.
Tore a square outta daddy's tshirt and completed
the paperwork.
Got home.
Tossed the Tee in the laundry.
Mom laundered and sorted.
One night at dinner dad asked, "Why is there a
perfect little square torn out of one of my tshirts?"
It made for an interesting dinner conversation.
••
"Worried about an IRS audit?
Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for.
For example, say you have some money left in your
bank account after paying taxes.
That's a red flag."
••
If a man with multiple personalities threatens suicide,
is it a hostage situation?
••
On a pleasantly cold day a few friends gathered
around a table to enjoy a few rounds of rum. After several pegs the discussion turned around to
the existence of God.
The group automatically parted in two - atheists
and believers - and the arguments got fierce.
Our friend William was a staunch atheist and insisted
that God doesn’t exist.
In a fit of drunken stupor, William wrote a letter to
God, put it in an envelope and addressed it:
“To, The God Almighty, Omnipresent.”
and asked his opponent to post it.
By next morning everything was forgotten.
Out of the blue, after a month the same letter was
returned with remarks: “Address not found.”
He gathered the same group the same evening and
proudly displayed the envelope:
“Look, this is official now with government
endorsement.”
••
I was doing the night shift at the airport directing
the planes in and out. All of a sudden the radio crackles and I hear a
young voice request permission to approach the
runway to land.
I ask for a name, and he replies, “guess who?”
I turn off the runway lights and say, “guess where?!”
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