••
♥
My grandfather said that when he was a kid,
the tooth dude used to leave quarters under his
pillow in exchange for his baby teeth.
"You mean the tooth fairy, don't you grandpa?"
I asked him.
"Yes," he said, "but we didn't call him that until
I was six.
the tooth dude used to leave quarters under his
pillow in exchange for his baby teeth.
"You mean the tooth fairy, don't you grandpa?"
I asked him.
"Yes," he said, "but we didn't call him that until
I was six.
••
The newlywed Blonde went to the store to ask how to
operate the new coffeemaker received as a wedding
gift.
The salesman carefully explained how everything
worked; how to plug it in, set the timer, go to bed,
and upon rising, the coffee is ready.
A few weeks later the goober was back in the store
and the salesman asked her how she liked the coffee
maker.
"Wonderful!" she replied, "But... it's just awfully
inconvenient to have to go to bed every time I want
to make a pot of coffee."
operate the new coffeemaker received as a wedding
gift.
The salesman carefully explained how everything
worked; how to plug it in, set the timer, go to bed,
and upon rising, the coffee is ready.
A few weeks later the goober was back in the store
and the salesman asked her how she liked the coffee
maker.
"Wonderful!" she replied, "But... it's just awfully
inconvenient to have to go to bed every time I want
to make a pot of coffee."
••
Rainbows are what happens when Chuck Norris
roundhouse kicks Richard Simmons.
roundhouse kicks Richard Simmons.
••
The difference between the short and long income
tax forms is simple.
If you use the short form, the government gets your
money.
If you use the long form, your accountant and the
government gets your money.
tax forms is simple.
If you use the short form, the government gets your
money.
If you use the long form, your accountant and the
government gets your money.
••
Your child has started growing up when she stops
asking you where she came from and starts refusing
to tell you where she's going.
asking you where she came from and starts refusing
to tell you where she's going.
••
I live in Albany, NY, and saw a bumper sticker on
a car parked near the capital that read;
"Don't Mess With Texas."
So I tied a note to a brick, and threw it through the
windshield it said;
"Don't Tell New York What To Do."
a car parked near the capital that read;
"Don't Mess With Texas."
So I tied a note to a brick, and threw it through the
windshield it said;
"Don't Tell New York What To Do."
••
I was in Ft. Myers, Florida the other day and I saw a
bumper sticker on a parked car that read,
I miss Chicago."
So, I broke the window, stole the radio, shot out
two of the tires and left a note that read,
"I hope this helps!"
I was in Ft. Myers, Florida the other day and I saw a
bumper sticker on a parked car that read,
I miss Chicago."
So, I broke the window, stole the radio, shot out
two of the tires and left a note that read,
"I hope this helps!"
••
A young woman was having a physical examination
and was embarrassed because of a weight problem.
As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed.
"I'm so ashamed, Doctor," she said, "I guess I let
myself go."
The physician was checking hers eyes and ears.
"Don't feel ashamed, Miss. You don't look that bad."
"Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked.
The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her
face and said, "Of course.
Now just open your mouth and say moo."
and was embarrassed because of a weight problem.
As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed.
"I'm so ashamed, Doctor," she said, "I guess I let
myself go."
The physician was checking hers eyes and ears.
"Don't feel ashamed, Miss. You don't look that bad."
"Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked.
The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her
face and said, "Of course.
Now just open your mouth and say moo."
••
Did you hear the one about the man who opened a
dry-cleaning business next door to the convent?
He knocked on the door and asked the
Mother Superior if she had any dirty habits.
dry-cleaning business next door to the convent?
He knocked on the door and asked the
Mother Superior if she had any dirty habits.
••••
