Down Hummingbird Lane

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♥

 

My cousin just died, he was only 19.
He got stung by a bee -
the natural enemy of a tightrope walker..

 

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Our neighbor's dog shit in our yard, so my mom
told me to get a shovel and throw it over the fence.
 I don't see what that solved, now we've got dog
shit in our yard and the neighbors have our shovel.

 

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A cowboy goes to buy a bull and needs to send a
telegraph to his blond sister to bring the trailer.
The telegraph guy says it's a dollar a word.
That's ridiculous thinks the cowboy, but he finally
says ok, send the word "comfortable".
The telegraph worker says who the hell is going to
get meaning from that?
The cowboy says, you see, my sister reads real slow
so she will read "come for ta bull".

 

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My wife came home with a vibrator, started waving
it around and screamed, "I don't need you now!
I don't need you now!"
 Guess who had to put the batteries in.

 

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Dear Trash,
 At least you get picked up...
 Sincerely,
 The Girls of Jersey Shore.

 

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Great news, teacher says we have a test today come
rain or shine.
So what's so great about that?
It's snowing outside!

 

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Did you hear about the guy who found out the
secret to making women happy?
Neither did I.

 

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I did a club one night -- the speakers were old as hell.
My jokes were coming out in black and white.

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