••
♥
James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the
Terminator.
However, upon reflection, he realized that would
have turned his movie into a documentary,
so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger..
Terminator.
However, upon reflection, he realized that would
have turned his movie into a documentary,
so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger..
••
Q: What happens when you mix Viagra with
Mr. Clean?
A: Rise and shine.
Mr. Clean?
A: Rise and shine.
••
A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me,
love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house,
pet me, and take good care of me...
They must be Gods!
A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me,
love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house,
pet me, and take good care of me...
I must be a God!
love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house,
pet me, and take good care of me...
They must be Gods!
A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me,
love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house,
pet me, and take good care of me...
I must be a God!
••
What is the difference between the short income tax
forms and the long ones?
Easy, if you use the short form, the government
takes your money.
If you use the long form, your accountant gets your
money.
forms and the long ones?
Easy, if you use the short form, the government
takes your money.
If you use the long form, your accountant gets your
money.
••
Paddy's racing snail is not winning races anymore.
So he decided to take it's shell off to reduce it's weight
More aerodynamic. it didn't work, if anything it made
him more sluggish.
So he decided to take it's shell off to reduce it's weight
More aerodynamic. it didn't work, if anything it made
him more sluggish.
••
For those unfamiliar, Welfare payments are made
in the US to individuals and families with income
below a level.
The following quotations are taken from actual
letters received by the Welfare Department in
applications for support of receiving payments.
* I am forwarding my marriage certificate and 6
children.
I had seven but one died which was baptized on a
half sheet of paper.
* I am writing the welfare department to say that
my baby was born two years old.
When do I get my money?
* Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for two years
and has been visited regularly by the clergy.
* I cannot get sick pay.
I have six children can you tell me why?
* I am glad to report that my husband who is
missing is dead.
* This is my eighth child.
What are you going to do about it.
* Please find for if my husband is dead.
The man I am now living with can't do anything
until he knows.
* I am very much annoyed to find out that you
have branded my son illiterate.
This is a dirty lie as I was married a week before
he was born.
For those unfamiliar, Welfare payments are made
in the US to individuals and families with income
below a level.
The following quotations are taken from actual
letters received by the Welfare Department in
applications for support of receiving payments.
* I am forwarding my marriage certificate and 6
children.
I had seven but one died which was baptized on a
half sheet of paper.
* I am writing the welfare department to say that
my baby was born two years old.
When do I get my money?
* Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for two years
and has been visited regularly by the clergy.
* I cannot get sick pay.
I have six children can you tell me why?
* I am glad to report that my husband who is
missing is dead.
* This is my eighth child.
What are you going to do about it.
* Please find for if my husband is dead.
The man I am now living with can't do anything
until he knows.
* I am very much annoyed to find out that you
have branded my son illiterate.
This is a dirty lie as I was married a week before
he was born.
••
My wife and I took out life insurance policies on
each other -- so now it's just a waiting game
each other -- so now it's just a waiting game
••••
