••
♥
I was on the subway, sitting on a newspaper,
and a guy comes over and asks
"Are you reading that?"
I didn’t know what to say.
So I said yes.
I stood up, turned the page, and sat down again..
and a guy comes over and asks
"Are you reading that?"
I didn’t know what to say.
So I said yes.
I stood up, turned the page, and sat down again..
••
Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus
through Holland.
As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led
them through the process of cheese making,
explaining that goat's milk was used.
She showed the group a lovely hillside where many
goats were grazing.’
These' she explained, 'Are the older goats put out to
pasture when they no longer produce.'
she then asked, 'What do you do in America with
your old goats?'
A spry old gentleman answered,
'They send us on bus tours!'
through Holland.
As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led
them through the process of cheese making,
explaining that goat's milk was used.
She showed the group a lovely hillside where many
goats were grazing.’
These' she explained, 'Are the older goats put out to
pasture when they no longer produce.'
she then asked, 'What do you do in America with
your old goats?'
A spry old gentleman answered,
'They send us on bus tours!'
••
If we learn by our mistakes, some of us are getting
one great education.....
one great education.....
••
There's a few guys who always get together on
Fridays after work for a drink...
One Friday, Rick showed up late, sat down at the bar,
and kicked back his entire first beer in one gulp...
Then he turned to Bob and said, "Times are getting
tough my friend, I mean, just today my wife told me
that she's going to cut me back to only two times a
week...
I can't believe it"...
At which point Bob put his hand on Rick's shoulder
and said reassuringly, "You think you've got it bad,
she's cut some guys out all together.
Fridays after work for a drink...
One Friday, Rick showed up late, sat down at the bar,
and kicked back his entire first beer in one gulp...
Then he turned to Bob and said, "Times are getting
tough my friend, I mean, just today my wife told me
that she's going to cut me back to only two times a
week...
I can't believe it"...
At which point Bob put his hand on Rick's shoulder
and said reassuringly, "You think you've got it bad,
she's cut some guys out all together.
••
I took a girl back to my house for sex last night.
After going upstairs, I slowly removed my clothes
and climbed under the quilt.
"You'll have to be really quiet," I whispered,
"My mum & dad are asleep."
"I can see that," she said, "Have you not got your
own bed?"
After going upstairs, I slowly removed my clothes
and climbed under the quilt.
"You'll have to be really quiet," I whispered,
"My mum & dad are asleep."
"I can see that," she said, "Have you not got your
own bed?"
••
I was at the bar the other night and overheard three
very hefty women talking at the bar.
Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached
and asked, "Hello, are you three lassies from
Scotland ?"
One of them angrily screeched, "It's Wales,
Wales you bloody idiot!"
So I apologized and replied, "I am so sorry.
Are you three whales from Scotland ?"
And that's the last thing I remember..........
very hefty women talking at the bar.
Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached
and asked, "Hello, are you three lassies from
Scotland ?"
One of them angrily screeched, "It's Wales,
Wales you bloody idiot!"
So I apologized and replied, "I am so sorry.
Are you three whales from Scotland ?"
And that's the last thing I remember..........
••
I can drive a woman wild with my tongue.
It's pretty easy.
All you do is say, "Have you put on weight?"
Then RUN....
It's pretty easy.
All you do is say, "Have you put on weight?"
Then RUN....
••
drunken man walked up to a parking meter
and puts in some change.
The meter goes up to sixty and he says,
"Hey, I lost 100 pounds!"
••
I failed my driver’s test.
The guy asked me "what do you do at a red light?"
I said, I don’t know… look around, listen to the radio…
I failed my driver’s test.
The guy asked me "what do you do at a red light?"
I said, I don’t know… look around, listen to the radio…
••ºº••
