Down Hummingbird Lane

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♥

 

A couple in their nineties walk into a hotel.
The bellboy says, "Shall I take carry your bag, sir?"
The old man says, "Nah, she can walk."

 

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A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream arlor
and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool...
After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

 

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On valentines day a man comes home from work and
tells his wife: "honey, do you wanna know what i got
you for valentines?"
The wife says "what did you get me?"
The man opens the balcony door and they both go
to the balcony.
He says "do you see that 2013 Mercedez across the
street?"
 The wife says "which one?"
He says "the burgundy one.."
she says "Yes?."
 He says "got you a pair of socks the same color"

 

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I used to work in an orange juice factory,
but got fired.
I couldn't concentrate.

 

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Lots of women seem to be after Mr Right these days.
He's a lucky bastard, whoever he is.

 

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A lazy manager of a firm in his forties was advised
by his doctor to play some sport, preferably tennis
for some exercise.
So he took up tennis.
A month later his secretary asked: “Well sir, how is
it going?”
 Manager: "I am doing fine.
On the court when I see a ball coming to me at speed,
my brain instantly reacts and says: ‘To the net or
smash or take the corner’ like that.
I don’t believe it. "
Secretary: “Then what happens?”
Manager: “Then my body reacts and says ‘Who? Me?
You must be joking.”

 

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Sue said;
“I dated a politician over the holidays but when I
wrapped myself up as a present, he couldn't cut
through the red tape.”

 

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