Down Hummingbird Lane

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♥

A drunk looked at my beer belly last night and
sarcastically said, "Is that Corona or Bud?"
 I said, "There's a tap underneath; taste it and find
out."

 

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A woman goes to a psychiatrist and says,
'Doctor, you've got to do something about my
husband -- he thinks he's a refrigerator!''
''I wouldn't worry too much about it,''
the doctor replies.
'Lots of people have harmless delusions.
It will pass.''
''But you don't understand,'' the woman insists.
''He sleeps with his mouth open, and the little light
keeps me awake.''
 

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They say you should test your fire alarm once a
month.
I try but it's costing me a fortune in houses.

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I thought it would be funny to phone my wife and
fart in the phone.
Later, I asked her,
"Any interesting phone calls lately?"
She replied, "Just a voicemail from some asshole!"

 

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What did the grape say after the elephant sat on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little whine!

 

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What do you call a person who assists a criminal in
breaking the law before the criminal gets arrested?
An accomplice.
What do you call a person who assists a criminal in
breaking the law after the criminal gets arrested?
A lawyer...

 

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My missus decided to wear a burka for a week just
to see what the public reaction would be like.
The first day she was punched, kicked spat on and
received death threats.
Lord knows what's going to happen when she leaves
the house..

 

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What do polar bears have that no other animal has?
Polar bear babies.

 

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