••
♥
Bill pilled up a stool at his favorite bar and
announced, "My wife Suzie must love me more than
any woman has ever loved any man!"
"What makes you say that?" the bartender inquired.
"Last week," Bill explained, "I had to take a couple
of sick days from work.
Suzie was so thrilled to have me around that every
time the milkman and the post office guy came by,
she'd run down the driveway, waving her arms and
hollering, 'My old man's home! My old man's home!'"
announced, "My wife Suzie must love me more than
any woman has ever loved any man!"
"What makes you say that?" the bartender inquired.
"Last week," Bill explained, "I had to take a couple
of sick days from work.
Suzie was so thrilled to have me around that every
time the milkman and the post office guy came by,
she'd run down the driveway, waving her arms and
hollering, 'My old man's home! My old man's home!'"
••
A sign posted in a Dentist's office said:
"Please be nice to our dentists.
They have fillings too."
"Please be nice to our dentists.
They have fillings too."
••
On their 40th wedding anniversary and during the
banquet celebrating it, Tom was asked to give his
friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage
of such long duration.
"Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from
all those wonderful years with your wife?"
Tom responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is
the best teacher of all.
It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness,
self-restraint, forgiveness --and a great many other
qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed
single."
banquet celebrating it, Tom was asked to give his
friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage
of such long duration.
"Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from
all those wonderful years with your wife?"
Tom responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is
the best teacher of all.
It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness,
self-restraint, forgiveness --and a great many other
qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed
single."
••
“Two coin collectors got together for old dimes sake.”
••
Man: I lost my wife.
Inspector: What is her height?
Man: I never noticed.
Inspector: Slim or healthy?
Man: Not slim, can be healthy
Inspector: Colour of the eyes?
Man: Never noticedInspector: Colour of hair?
Man: Changes according to season.
Inspector: What was she wearing?
Man: dress/suit.
I don't remember exactly.
Inspector: Was somebody with her???
Man: Yes, my Labrador dog, Romeo, tied with a
golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, brown eyes,
blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is
slightly broken, wearing a golden belt studded with
blue balls, he likes non-veg. food, we eat together,
we jog together... And the man started crying....
Inspector: Let's search for the dog first!!!
Inspector: What is her height?
Man: I never noticed.
Inspector: Slim or healthy?
Man: Not slim, can be healthy
Inspector: Colour of the eyes?
Man: Never noticedInspector: Colour of hair?
Man: Changes according to season.
Inspector: What was she wearing?
Man: dress/suit.
I don't remember exactly.
Inspector: Was somebody with her???
Man: Yes, my Labrador dog, Romeo, tied with a
golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, brown eyes,
blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is
slightly broken, wearing a golden belt studded with
blue balls, he likes non-veg. food, we eat together,
we jog together... And the man started crying....
Inspector: Let's search for the dog first!!!
••
The drug dealer added sugar to his marijuana to
sweeten the pot.
sweeten the pot.
••
During one "generation-gap" quarrel with his parents,
young Michael cried, "I want excitement, adventure,
money, and beautiful women.
I'll never find it here at home, so I'm leaving.
Don't try and stop me!"
With that, he headed toward the door.
His father rose and followed close behind.
"Didn't you hear what I said? I don't want you to try
and stop me."
"Who's trying to stop you?" replied his father.
"If you wait a minute, I'll go with you."
young Michael cried, "I want excitement, adventure,
money, and beautiful women.
I'll never find it here at home, so I'm leaving.
Don't try and stop me!"
With that, he headed toward the door.
His father rose and followed close behind.
"Didn't you hear what I said? I don't want you to try
and stop me."
"Who's trying to stop you?" replied his father.
"If you wait a minute, I'll go with you."
••
Contrary to popular belief the Lottery numbers are
not random.
They are just the number of people Chuck Norris
killed that given day.
not random.
They are just the number of people Chuck Norris
killed that given day.
••
Paddy says to Mick
"I found this pen, is it yours?"
Mick replies "Don't know, give it here"
He then tries it and says "Yes it is"
Paddy asks "How do you know?"
Mick replies, "That's my handwriting"
"I found this pen, is it yours?"
Mick replies "Don't know, give it here"
He then tries it and says "Yes it is"
Paddy asks "How do you know?"
Mick replies, "That's my handwriting"
••••
