••
♥
Am I the only one who wonders if you pass gas on
a cold day can someone actually see your fart breath?
a cold day can someone actually see your fart breath?
••
A spiritualist who'd recently been widowed met a
colleague and reported excitedly that she'd just
received a message from her dead husband - asking
her to send him a pack of cigarettes.
"The only thing is," she mused, "that I don't know
where to send them."
"Why not?" asked her friend.
"Well, he didn't actually say that he was in Heaven,
but I can't imagine he'd be in Hell."
"Hm," responded the friend.
"Well, maybe I shouldn't bring this up, but. . .
he didn't mention anything about including matches
in the package, did he?
colleague and reported excitedly that she'd just
received a message from her dead husband - asking
her to send him a pack of cigarettes.
"The only thing is," she mused, "that I don't know
where to send them."
"Why not?" asked her friend.
"Well, he didn't actually say that he was in Heaven,
but I can't imagine he'd be in Hell."
"Hm," responded the friend.
"Well, maybe I shouldn't bring this up, but. . .
he didn't mention anything about including matches
in the package, did he?
••
Harry, after his retirement volunteered to entertain
patients in hospitals.
He would go from one hospital to another in the city
and always carried his guitar with him.
He would crack jokes and would sing some funny
songs at patients' bedsides.
When he finished at one such hospital, he said to
an old man, "I hope you get better."
The elderly gentleman quickly replied,
"I hope you get better, too.
patients in hospitals.
He would go from one hospital to another in the city
and always carried his guitar with him.
He would crack jokes and would sing some funny
songs at patients' bedsides.
When he finished at one such hospital, he said to
an old man, "I hope you get better."
The elderly gentleman quickly replied,
"I hope you get better, too.
••
Grandpa and Little Johnny are sitting on a bench
in the park.
Johnny asked, "Grandpa are you going to take that
new Viagra?"
Grandpa looks at him and says, "No Johnny,
I will not."
"But Grandpa, why?" asks little Johnny.
Grandpa replies, "Because there is no sense in
putting lead in your pencil if you have no one to
write to."
in the park.
Johnny asked, "Grandpa are you going to take that
new Viagra?"
Grandpa looks at him and says, "No Johnny,
I will not."
"But Grandpa, why?" asks little Johnny.
Grandpa replies, "Because there is no sense in
putting lead in your pencil if you have no one to
write to."
••
My wife really likes to make pottery,
but to me it's just kiln time,
but to me it's just kiln time,
••
Two women met for tea at a restaurant.
One had a swollen face.
Her friend asked: “What happened?”
First one: “My hubby hit me.”
Second one: “But I thought your husband was out
of town.”
First one: “Yeah, I thought so too.”
One had a swollen face.
Her friend asked: “What happened?”
First one: “My hubby hit me.”
Second one: “But I thought your husband was out
of town.”
First one: “Yeah, I thought so too.”
••
A woman was taking a nap on Valentine’s Day
afternoon.
After she awoke, she told her husband, “I just
dreamed that you gave me a gorgeous and expensive
diamond necklace for Valentine’s Day!
What do you think it means?”
“You’ll know tonight,” he said.
That evening, her husband came home with a small
package for her.
Thrilled, she opened it and found a book titled
“The Meaning of Dreams.”
afternoon.
After she awoke, she told her husband, “I just
dreamed that you gave me a gorgeous and expensive
diamond necklace for Valentine’s Day!
What do you think it means?”
“You’ll know tonight,” he said.
That evening, her husband came home with a small
package for her.
Thrilled, she opened it and found a book titled
“The Meaning of Dreams.”
••
If Chuck Norris gave a mouse a cookie, it would
probably ask for some milk.
Then Chuck Norris would roundhouse kick that
ungrateful little rodent so hard, it would lose it's
appetite for cookies.
Permanently.
probably ask for some milk.
Then Chuck Norris would roundhouse kick that
ungrateful little rodent so hard, it would lose it's
appetite for cookies.
Permanently.
••
At a job interview long ago;
Hiring manager;
"What would you say was your greatest weakness?"
Me;
"Honesty."
Hiring manager;
"I don't think honesty is a weakness."
Me;
"I couldn't care less what you think."
Hiring manager;
"What would you say was your greatest weakness?"
Me;
"Honesty."
Hiring manager;
"I don't think honesty is a weakness."
Me;
"I couldn't care less what you think."
••••
