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Why does everyone want to work at the impotency
clinic?
A: It's a soft job.
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Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.
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You might be a redneck if...
Smith and Wesson attended your wedding without
an invitation and there was nothing you could do
about it.
When you hear someone talking about the king you
don't know whether they're talking about Elvis or
Richard Petty.
You use a pig for a garbage disposal.
You can't go to church this year because your
Sunday socks are being used as the truck's gas cap.
You clean your car or truck out with a leaf blower.
Your tackle box contains dynamite and blasting caps.
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A couple whose marriage was going on the rocks
sought the advice of a marriage counselor.
The counselor pleaded with them to patch up their
quarrel, but they were adamant.
"So," said the counselor, "you know the
consequences and you want to part.
Remember this.
You must divide your property equally."
The wife flared up. "You mean the $4,000 I have
saved up? I must give him half?.... My money?"
"Yes," said the counselor..... "He gets $2,000.
You get $2,000."
"What about my furniture?... I paid for that."
"Same thing," answered the counselor.
"Your husband gets the bedroom and the living
room; you get the dining room and the kitchen."
There was a challenging gleam in the wife's eye.
"What about our three children?"
That stumped him.
Shrewdly he assayed the situation, then he came up
with an answer.
"Go back and live together until your fourth child is
born.
Then you take two children and your husband takes
two."
The wife shook her head. "No, I'm sure that wouldn't
work out.
If I depended on him, I wouldn't have the three I got."
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A two month pregnant woman asks her doctor,
"When will my baby move?"
The doctor answers, "With any luck, right after he
finishes college."
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Useless Knowledge:
n 1914, Charles Pajeau hired midgets, dressed them
in elf costumes, and had them play with his new
invention, Tinker Toys, in the window of a Chicago
store during Christmas.
This publicity stunt made the construction toy an
instant hit.
A year later, over a million sets had been sold.....
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I pointed to two old drunks sitting across the bar from us and told my friend
"That's us in 10 years".
He said "That's a mirror,you idiot
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