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Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.
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A man came home and was greeted by his wife
dressed in a very sexy nightie.
'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything
you want.'
So he tied her up and went golfing......
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Bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went
off before I could eat it!
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Senior citizens have taken to texting with gusto.
They even have their own vocabulary:
BFF: Best Friend Fainted..
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth..
CBM: Covered by Medicare..
FWB: Friend with Beta-blockers..
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out..
GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
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Mick says to Paddy "What ya talkin to an envelope
for?"
"I'm sending a voicemail ya thick sod!"
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I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work;
I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
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The day after visiting a fair, my wife was in agony.
"You know you’re past your prime," she said,
"when you hurt all over and all you rode was
the massage chair."
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A dray of squirrels
A murmuration of starlings
A mustering of storks
A flight of swallows
A bevy, herd, lamentation, or wedge of swans
A sounder or drift of swine
A hover of trout
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On a trip today..
Things got quiet and I said to my wife
"say something endearing" and she did, she said
"something endearing".
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