••
♥
Useless knowledge;
Banging your head against a wall can burn up to
150 calories per hour.
Banging your head against a wall can burn up to
150 calories per hour.
••
I date this girl for two years,
and then the nagging starts:
'I wanna know your name!'
and then the nagging starts:
'I wanna know your name!'
••
Ray shows up at the bar all out of breath, so Dewey
asks him what the hell is wrong with you?
So Ray says "Ive been running from the cops but I
finally lost them".
Dewey then asked "what the hell did you do?"
Ray replied " I was pissing in the shower and the
cops showed up to arrest me!"
"Thats not against the law" said Dewey.
"Thats what I thought," said Ray.
"But those guys at Home Depot sure must of
thought it was"
asks him what the hell is wrong with you?
So Ray says "Ive been running from the cops but I
finally lost them".
Dewey then asked "what the hell did you do?"
Ray replied " I was pissing in the shower and the
cops showed up to arrest me!"
"Thats not against the law" said Dewey.
"Thats what I thought," said Ray.
"But those guys at Home Depot sure must of
thought it was"
••
I'm starting to think that I drink too much.
The last time I gave a urine sample, there was an
olive was in it.
The last time I gave a urine sample, there was an
olive was in it.
••
I went to my podiatrist to have a bunion removed.
When the treatment ended, I asked if another
appointment would be necessary.
He said, "No, but if you experience any discomfort,
you should callous back."
When the treatment ended, I asked if another
appointment would be necessary.
He said, "No, but if you experience any discomfort,
you should callous back."
••
A patron at a restaurant was continually bothering
the waiter about the air conditioning:
first he would ask for the air conditioning to be
turned up because it was too hot, then he would
ask it be turned down because it was to cold,
this went on for about a half an hour.
To the surprise of the rest of the customers, the
waiter was very patient, walking aback and forth
and very pleasant.
So finally a customer asked; why don’t you just
throw out the pest?
“Oh, I don’t care,” said the waiter with a grin,
we don’t even have an air conditioner.”
the waiter about the air conditioning:
first he would ask for the air conditioning to be
turned up because it was too hot, then he would
ask it be turned down because it was to cold,
this went on for about a half an hour.
To the surprise of the rest of the customers, the
waiter was very patient, walking aback and forth
and very pleasant.
So finally a customer asked; why don’t you just
throw out the pest?
“Oh, I don’t care,” said the waiter with a grin,
we don’t even have an air conditioner.”
••
This guy I worked for used to get an attitude with
rude customers.
I'd hear him say stuff to a customer over the phone
like "Sir, I've got one nerve left, and you're gettin' on
it."
rude customers.
I'd hear him say stuff to a customer over the phone
like "Sir, I've got one nerve left, and you're gettin' on
it."
••
What's the difference between men and horny alley
cats?
Men are taller.
What's the difference between men and horny alley
cats?
Men are taller.
••
A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his
coworkers.
Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro
for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing
whatever of the game.
The pro showed him the stance and swing,
then said: "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the
first green."
The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight
down the fairway and onto the green, where it
stopped inches from the hole.
"Now what?" the fellow asked the speechless pro.
"Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup,"
the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again.
"Oh great! NOW you tell me." said the beginner.
coworkers.
Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro
for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing
whatever of the game.
The pro showed him the stance and swing,
then said: "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the
first green."
The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight
down the fairway and onto the green, where it
stopped inches from the hole.
"Now what?" the fellow asked the speechless pro.
"Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup,"
the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again.
"Oh great! NOW you tell me." said the beginner.
••
♥
