••
♥
Two men are out ice fishing at their favorite fishing
hole, just fishing quietly and drinking beer.
Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Bob says,
"I think I'm going to divorce my wife --
she hasn't spoken to me in over two months."
Earl continues slowly sipping his beer.
Then, thoughtfully says, "You better think it over
women like that are hard to find."
••
Two crabs were sunbathing on the beach.
The girl crab suggested that the boy crab go get
them an ice cream cone.
Having purchased two cones, Mr. Crab made his
way back to the beach, deciding on the way to eat
his ice cream.
By the time he had finished the ice cream,
he realized that his girlfriend's had started to melt
all down his claw, so he licked it up and ended up
eating hers too.
When he arrived back at the beach Ms. Crab
exclaimed "Where's my ice cream cone?
"Well", he said. "I decided to eat mine, then yours
melted so I ate that too."
She was incensed and cried "You shellfish bastard!!"
••
My wife complains her clothes are so old,
they were made in America.
••
New Year resolution......
2005: I will get my weight down below 180.
2006: I will watch my calories until I get below 190.
2007: I will follow my new diet religiously until I get
below 200.
2008: I will try to develop a realistic attitude about
my weight.
2009: I will work out 5 days a week.
2010: I will work out 3 days a week.
2011: I will try to drive past a gym at least once
a week.
••
Laura and Nancy were chatting at the coffee-shop.
Laura: "I had a toothache, so I went to the dentist
this morning."
Nancy: "Does your tooth still hurt?"
Laura: "I have no idea - the dentist kept it."
••
UselesslessKnowledge:
If laid out in a straight line, the average adult’s
blood vessels would be nearly 60,000 miles long--
enough to circle Earth 2 times.
The heart pumps blood through this labyrinth and
back again once every minute.
••
Just A Reminder to those who stole Electrical Goods
in Last Years Riots....
Your One Year Manufacturers Warranty Runs Out
Soon.
••
Q: What does a shot of Everclear and a Woman
have in common?
A: Both of them make men start talking nonsense!
••••
