••
♥
To all those who received a book from me as a
Christmas present...
They are due back at the library today.
Christmas present...
They are due back at the library today.
••
I managed to crossbreed a centipeid and a turkey...
Drumsticks for everyone!
Drumsticks for everyone!
••
Spanish captain was walking on his ship...
A soldier rushes to him and says, "One enemy ship
is approaching us!"
Captain replies calmly, "Go get my red shirt"
The soldier gets the shirt for the captain.
The enemy ship comes in, heavy rounds of fire are
exchanged.
Finally, the Spaniards win.
Soldier asks, "Congrats sir, but why the red shirt?"
Captain replies, "If i got injured, then my blood
shouldn't be seen, as i didn't want my men to loose
hope."
Moral: For success, hope is very important.
Just then, another soldier,
"Sir, we just spotted another TWENTY enemy ships!"
The captain calmly replies,
"Go bring my yellow pants"
A soldier rushes to him and says, "One enemy ship
is approaching us!"
Captain replies calmly, "Go get my red shirt"
The soldier gets the shirt for the captain.
The enemy ship comes in, heavy rounds of fire are
exchanged.
Finally, the Spaniards win.
Soldier asks, "Congrats sir, but why the red shirt?"
Captain replies, "If i got injured, then my blood
shouldn't be seen, as i didn't want my men to loose
hope."
Moral: For success, hope is very important.
Just then, another soldier,
"Sir, we just spotted another TWENTY enemy ships!"
The captain calmly replies,
"Go bring my yellow pants"
••
Two nuts are sitting next to each other at the asylum.
One turns to the other and says,
"Why are we all here?"
Other nut shrugs his shoulders and replies,
"Cuz we're not all there."
One turns to the other and says,
"Why are we all here?"
Other nut shrugs his shoulders and replies,
"Cuz we're not all there."
••
When someone hurts me, forgiveness is cheaper
than a lawsuit..... But not nearly as gratifying.
than a lawsuit..... But not nearly as gratifying.
••
Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting
their physicals.
During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to
discover that
both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized
penises.
"How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers.
"It's hereditary, sir," the older one replied.
"I see," said the doctor, writing in his file.
"Your father's the reason for your elongated penises?"
"No sir, our mother."
"Your mother? You idiot, women don't have penises!"
"I know, sir," replied the recruit, "but she only had
one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the
bathtub, she had to manage as best she could."
their physicals.
During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to
discover that
both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized
penises.
"How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers.
"It's hereditary, sir," the older one replied.
"I see," said the doctor, writing in his file.
"Your father's the reason for your elongated penises?"
"No sir, our mother."
"Your mother? You idiot, women don't have penises!"
"I know, sir," replied the recruit, "but she only had
one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the
bathtub, she had to manage as best she could."
••
The wife's back on the warpath again,
she was up for making a home movie last night and
all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for
her part.
she was up for making a home movie last night and
all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for
her part.
••
Dear Customers,
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Sincerely, Nail Salon Ladies
••••
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Sincerely, Nail Salon Ladies
••••
