••
♥
Dear America ,
You produced Miley Cyrus.
Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely,Canada....
You produced Miley Cyrus.
Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely,Canada....
••
Jennifer sprang to answer the telephone.
"Darling, How are you? This is Mummy."
"Oh Mummy," Jennifer said crying, "I'm having a
bad day.
The baby won't eat and the washing machine won't
work.
I've sprained my ankle and I'm hobbling around.
On top of all this, the house is a mess and I'm
supposed to have the Andersons and the Nicholsons
for dinner tonight.
I haven't even had a chance to go shopping."
The voice on the other end said in sympathy,
"Darling, let Mummy handle it.
Sit down, relax and close your eyes.
I'll be over in half an hour.
I'll do your shopping, tidy up the house and cook
your dinner.
I'll feed the baby and I'll call an engineer I know
who'll fix your washing machine.
Now stop crying.
I'll even call your husband Wayne at the office and
tell him he should come home to help out for once."
"Wayne?" said Jennifer. "Who's Wayne?"
"Why, Wayne's your husband....
Is this 0208 123 3749?"
"No, this is 0208 123 3747."
"Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I dialed the wrong number."
There was a short pause, then Jennifer said,
"Does this mean you're not coming over?"
"Darling, How are you? This is Mummy."
"Oh Mummy," Jennifer said crying, "I'm having a
bad day.
The baby won't eat and the washing machine won't
work.
I've sprained my ankle and I'm hobbling around.
On top of all this, the house is a mess and I'm
supposed to have the Andersons and the Nicholsons
for dinner tonight.
I haven't even had a chance to go shopping."
The voice on the other end said in sympathy,
"Darling, let Mummy handle it.
Sit down, relax and close your eyes.
I'll be over in half an hour.
I'll do your shopping, tidy up the house and cook
your dinner.
I'll feed the baby and I'll call an engineer I know
who'll fix your washing machine.
Now stop crying.
I'll even call your husband Wayne at the office and
tell him he should come home to help out for once."
"Wayne?" said Jennifer. "Who's Wayne?"
"Why, Wayne's your husband....
Is this 0208 123 3749?"
"No, this is 0208 123 3747."
"Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I dialed the wrong number."
There was a short pause, then Jennifer said,
"Does this mean you're not coming over?"
••
He knows nothing; and he thinks he knows
everything.
That points clearly to a political career.
everything.
That points clearly to a political career.
••
Yesterday's a Memory..
Tomorrow's a Dream..
Today's a Bitch..
Tomorrow's a Dream..
Today's a Bitch..
••
Dear Yahoo,
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know,
let's Yahoo! it..."
Just saying...
Sincerely, Google..
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know,
let's Yahoo! it..."
Just saying...
Sincerely, Google..
••
A study published in "Neurology" says people who
snore are more prone to getting headaches.
No reason is given.
But could it be on account of their spouses hitting
them in the head all night long trying to get them to
stop snoring?
snore are more prone to getting headaches.
No reason is given.
But could it be on account of their spouses hitting
them in the head all night long trying to get them to
stop snoring?
••
In the 60's I sent for a do-it-yourself bomb shelter kit.
They sent me a shovel.
They sent me a shovel.
••
A man is on trial for armed robbery.
The jury comes back with the verdict.
The foreman stands, clears his throat,
and announces, "Not guilty."
The defendant leaps to his feet.
"Awesome!" he shouts.
"Does that mean I get to keep the money?"
The jury comes back with the verdict.
The foreman stands, clears his throat,
and announces, "Not guilty."
The defendant leaps to his feet.
"Awesome!" he shouts.
"Does that mean I get to keep the money?"
••
Streakers *repant* your end is in sight.
••
