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Q: what is the blonde doing when she holds her
hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold onto a thought.
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I think the government made Facebook in an
attempt to make privacy uncool.
Think about that.
I think thats true cause they dont have to tap our
phones or survey us when we just yield to them
everything, just on our own free will.
Home address?
Its a little weird, OK. Phone number? Call me.
Photos? Photos of everyone I know?
Here, let me tag those for you.
••
The new Ensign was trying to impress everybody
with what he'd learned in Submarine School when
the Master Chief cut him off.
"Listen, Sir, it's simple," he said.
"Add the number of times we dive to the number of
times we surface.
Then divide by two.
If it doesn't come out even,
DON'T OPEN THE HATCH!"
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After watching 'Night of the Living Dead' at my
girlfriend's, I was on edge waiting for the bus.
I completely freaked out when suddenly a zombie
staggered toward me.
Picking up the first thing I could find, I smashed it
across his head and ran home.
Fearing the end of the world, I turned on the news
to hear the reporter say, "A man with Cerebral Palsy
was attacked tonight at a bus stop by a man wielding
a traffic cone.
Police are asking for witnesses."
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Bubba explained to the police officer why his
cousins shot him.
"Well," Bubba began, "We wuz havin' a good time
drinking, when my cousin Jed picked up his
shotgun and said, 'Hey, der ya fellows wanna go a
huntin'?'"
"And then what happened?" the officer interrupted.
"From what I remember," Bubba said,
"I stood up and said, 'Sure, I'm game.'
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There's only four things you need to know to be
a plumber:
1. Shit rolls down hill.
2. Don't forget to bill the customer.
3. Payday is Friday.
4. Don't chew your finger nails unless you have
some very good oyster crackers.
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"Be Yourself" Is About The Worst Advise You Can
Give To Some People.
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On day a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde were on
their way to heaven.
God told them the stairs to heaven were 1,000 steps
and on every step he was going to tell them a joke.
If they laughed they would not be able to get to
heaven.
So the redhead made it to the 45th step and laughed.
The brunette made it to the 200th step and laughed.
But the blonde made it to the 999th step and laughed
even before god told his joke.
God asked "Why did you laugh I haven't even told
the joke yet"
The blonde said "I know I just now got the first one!!!"
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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get away from Colonel Sanders!
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road twice?
A: Because it was a double-crosser.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A: To get to the other slide.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the beach?
A: To get to the other tide.
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