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♥
Londoner Joanna Kirchmeier arrived home to find
her husband, Helmut, in front of a mirror “just
staring at himself, his pupils tiny.”
Helmut, a newly trained hypnotist, had accidentally
hypnotized himself while rehearsing a new act and
had been standing like that for five hours.
her husband, Helmut, in front of a mirror “just
staring at himself, his pupils tiny.”
Helmut, a newly trained hypnotist, had accidentally
hypnotized himself while rehearsing a new act and
had been standing like that for five hours.
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I work in a busy office, and when a computer goes
down it causes quite an inconvenience.
Recently one of our computers not only crashed,
it made a noise that sounded like a heart monitor.
"This computer has flat-lined," a co-worker called
out with mock horror.
"Does anyone here know how to do mouse-to-mouse?"
down it causes quite an inconvenience.
Recently one of our computers not only crashed,
it made a noise that sounded like a heart monitor.
"This computer has flat-lined," a co-worker called
out with mock horror.
"Does anyone here know how to do mouse-to-mouse?"
••
Kathryn's 5-year-old developed a strong interest in
spelling once she learned to spell STOP.
After that, she tried to figure out her own words.
From the back seat of the car she'd ask, "Mom, what
does FGRPL spell?"
"Nothing," Kathryn said.
Sitting at breakfast she'd suddenly ask, "Mom, what
does DOEB spell?"
"Nothing," Kathryn answered.
This went on for several weeks.
Then one afternoon as they sat coloring in her room
she asked, "Mom, what does LMDZ spell?"
Kathryn smiled at her and said, "Nothing, sweetheart."
The 5-year-old carefully set down her crayon, sighed
and said, "Boy, there sure are a lot of ways to spell
Nothing!"
spelling once she learned to spell STOP.
After that, she tried to figure out her own words.
From the back seat of the car she'd ask, "Mom, what
does FGRPL spell?"
"Nothing," Kathryn said.
Sitting at breakfast she'd suddenly ask, "Mom, what
does DOEB spell?"
"Nothing," Kathryn answered.
This went on for several weeks.
Then one afternoon as they sat coloring in her room
she asked, "Mom, what does LMDZ spell?"
Kathryn smiled at her and said, "Nothing, sweetheart."
The 5-year-old carefully set down her crayon, sighed
and said, "Boy, there sure are a lot of ways to spell
Nothing!"
••
At my granddaughter's wedding, the DJ polled the
guests to see who had been married longest.
It turned out to be my husband and I.
The DJ asked us, "What advice would you give to
the newly-married couple?"
I said, "The three most important words in a
marriage are, 'You're probably right.'"
Everyone then looked at my husband.
He said, "She's probably right."
guests to see who had been married longest.
It turned out to be my husband and I.
The DJ asked us, "What advice would you give to
the newly-married couple?"
I said, "The three most important words in a
marriage are, 'You're probably right.'"
Everyone then looked at my husband.
He said, "She's probably right."
••
While my three-year-old grandson was attending a
birthday party, his friend’s father sneaked off to
take a shower before work.
Halfway through, the father heard a tapping on the
shower door, followed by the sight of my grandson
peering in.
Looking around the stall, he asked,
“Is my mom in here?"
birthday party, his friend’s father sneaked off to
take a shower before work.
Halfway through, the father heard a tapping on the
shower door, followed by the sight of my grandson
peering in.
Looking around the stall, he asked,
“Is my mom in here?"
••
A teddy bear is working on a building site.
He goes for a tea break and when he returns he
notices his pick has been stolen.
The bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman.
The foreman grins at the bear and says "Oh ,
I forgot to tell you ,
today's the day the teddy bears have their pick nicked."
He goes for a tea break and when he returns he
notices his pick has been stolen.
The bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman.
The foreman grins at the bear and says "Oh ,
I forgot to tell you ,
today's the day the teddy bears have their pick nicked."
••
I cant wait until they could put wings on humans.
Because when they could put wings on humans,
they could put wings on pigs, and when they could
put wings on pigs, lots of pretty girls from college
owe me sex.
Because when they could put wings on humans,
they could put wings on pigs, and when they could
put wings on pigs, lots of pretty girls from college
owe me sex.
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