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While traveling cross country, a couple decided to
stop for a cup of coffee in a local diner somewhere in Texas.
While they were sitting at a booth near the counter
sipping their coffee, a local cowboy stumbled in and
headed for the closest stool at the counter.
As he lifted his leg over the stool, he cut one of the
loudest farts ever heard by a human.
The tourist jumped up and screamed, "Sir,
how dare you fart before my wife!"
The cowboy stopped, tipped his hat politely and said,
"Beggin' yer pardon, ma'am...I didn't know we was a
takin' turns.
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Useless Knowledge:
Banging your head against a wall can burn up to 150 calories per hour.
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Flex decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a
hundred chickens to begin with.A month later he returned to the dealer for another
hundred chickens because all of the first lot had died.
A month later he was back at the dealer for another
hundred chickens for the second lot had also died.
“But I think I know where I’m going wrong,” said
Flex, “I think I’m planting them too deep.”
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Have you heard the story about the Irishman who
drowned while he was digging a grave for a friend. He'd wanted to be buried at sea...
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Just Curious....
How come we eat food that is in glorious living color and it all comes out in shades of brown?
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The phrase "dead ringer" refers to someone who sits
behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
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"Well, Mrs. O'Connor, so you want a divorce?"
the solicitor questioned his client. "Tell me about it...... Do you have a grudge?"
"Oh, no," replied Mrs. O'Connor. "Shure now, we
have a carport."
The solicitor tried again.
"Well, does the man beat you up?"
"No, no," said Mrs. O'Connor, looking puzzled.
"Oi'm always first out of bed."
Still hopeful, the solicitor tried once again.
"What I'm trying to find out are what grounds you
have."
"Bless ye, sor.
We live in a flat -- not even a window box, let alone
grounds."
"Mrs. O'Connor," the solicitor said in considerable
exasperation, "you need a reason that the court can
consider.
"What is the reason for you seeking this divorce?"
"Ah, well now," said the lady,
"Shure it's because the man can't hold an intelligent
conversation."
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No parent in their right mind would give a
6-year-old a drum set, therefore Santa exists!!
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Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend received a jury-duty notice.
She called the clerk’s office to remind them that she
was exempt because of her age.
"You need to come in and fill out the exemption
forms," the clerk said.
"But I filled them out last year," she replied.
"You have to fill them out every year."
"Why? Do you think I’m getting younger?"
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