☺☺
♥
What a blessing it would be if we could open and
shut our ears as easily as we open and shut our eyes!
shut our ears as easily as we open and shut our eyes!
••
A Baptist pastor was presenting a children's sermon.
During the sermon, he asked the children if they
knew what the resurrection was.
Asking questions during children's sermons is crucial.
Asking children questions in front of a congregation
can also be very dangerous.
After the pastor asked the children if they knew the
meaning of the resurrection, a little boy raised his
hand.
The pastor called on him and the little boy said,
"I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts
more than four hours you are supposed to call the
doctor."
It took over ten minutes for the congregation to
settle down enough from their laughter for the
worship service to be continued.
During the sermon, he asked the children if they
knew what the resurrection was.
Asking questions during children's sermons is crucial.
Asking children questions in front of a congregation
can also be very dangerous.
After the pastor asked the children if they knew the
meaning of the resurrection, a little boy raised his
hand.
The pastor called on him and the little boy said,
"I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts
more than four hours you are supposed to call the
doctor."
It took over ten minutes for the congregation to
settle down enough from their laughter for the
worship service to be continued.
••
I woke up, checked my lottery ticket, and BANG!
I'm still a nillionaire.
I'm still a nillionaire.
••
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot
instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take
their seats and get prepared for an emergency
landing.
A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight
attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.
"All set back here, Captain," came the reply,
"except the lawyers are still going around passing
out business cards."
instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take
their seats and get prepared for an emergency
landing.
A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight
attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.
"All set back here, Captain," came the reply,
"except the lawyers are still going around passing
out business cards."
••
I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the
intelligence.
There's a knob called 'brightness', but it doesn't work.
~Gallagher~
intelligence.
There's a knob called 'brightness', but it doesn't work.
~Gallagher~
••
Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--
Billy Connolly.
"If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking,
How come they can't have a headache and sex at
the same time?"
Billy Connolly.
"If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking,
How come they can't have a headache and sex at
the same time?"
••
Why do politicians envy ventriloquists?
Because they can lie without moving their lips.
Because they can lie without moving their lips.
••
The psychiatrist was interviewing a first-time patient.
"You say you're here," he inquired, "because your
family is worried about your taste in socks?"
"That's correct," muttered the patient.
"I like wool socks."
"But that's perfectly normal," replied the doctor.
"Many people prefer wool socks to those made from
cotton or acrylic.
In fact, I myself like wool socks."
"You DO?" exclaimed the man.
"With oil and vinegar or just a squeeze of lemon?"
"You say you're here," he inquired, "because your
family is worried about your taste in socks?"
"That's correct," muttered the patient.
"I like wool socks."
"But that's perfectly normal," replied the doctor.
"Many people prefer wool socks to those made from
cotton or acrylic.
In fact, I myself like wool socks."
"You DO?" exclaimed the man.
"With oil and vinegar or just a squeeze of lemon?"
••
I was on holiday and saw a sign in a restaurant
saying, "No shirt, No service."
Turns out it's negotiable when you have tits.
saying, "No shirt, No service."
Turns out it's negotiable when you have tits.
••
