Down Hummingbird Lane

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♥

 

We make our friends; we make our enemies;
but God makes our next-door neighbour.

 

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always find a reason to laugh.
It may not add years to your life, but it will surely
add life to your years.

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Mrs. Smith was a hypochondriac.
Dr. Jones was fed up with her constant complaints
about non-existent illnesses, so he started palming
her off with a mild sedative to keep her happy.
One day she complained about chest pains and the
doctor prescribed his usual treatment.
This time however, the pain was real and Mrs. Smith
died of a heart attack.
On hearing of her death, Dr. Jones was so upset he
died of shock.
Mrs. Smith and Dr. Jones were buried next to each
other in the cemetery.
The next morning, Dr. Jones heard a tapping on his
coffin, followed by a voice saying,
"Dr. Jones, this is Mrs. Smith. Do you have anything
for worms?"

 

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My friend swallowed a cordless vacuum cleaner,
they took him to hospital and he is picking up nicely.

 

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I bought a pint of  Häagen-Dazs ice cream at the
supermarket.
As the cashier rang it up, I asked, “How do you
pronounce that?”
 Speaking slowly and distinctly, he said,
“Four dollars and seventy-nine cents.”

 

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A wise man once said ...... go ask a woman....

 

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Has this ever happened to you?
I decided to grab a burger at a drive-thru.
There were no cars in sight, so I rolled up to the
pay window.
“We’re still serving breakfast.
And you have to order at the speaker,” the clerk
scolded.
 I drove all the way around the building to the
squawk box and ordered a breakfast sandwich.
“I’m sorry,” she said, “we are now serving lunch.”

 

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I was watching a documentary on narcolepsy.
I missed the end because I fell asleep....

 

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