Down Hummingbird Lane

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♥

 

A blond guy and a brunette girl were happily married
and about to have a baby.
One day, the wife started having contractions, so the
husband rushed her to the hospital.
He held her hand as she went through a trying birth.
In the end, there were two little baby boys.
The blond guy turned to his wife and angrily said,
"All right, who's the other father?"

 

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Veronica and Deborah decided to split a can of Diet
Pepsi.
Veronica opened the can, and poured half the
contents into her own glass, and half into her friend's
glass.
Before tossing the can, she stopped to read the
nutritional information on the side.
 "Only one calorie per can," she read aloud.
 "Hmm," murmured Deborah. "I wonder which glass
has the calorie?"

 

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Chuck Norris doesn't kill two birds with one stone,
he kills two stones with one bird.

Friend of mine was researching his family tree the
other day, it turns out its a cactus and they are all
pr**ks !

 

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I got everyone a box with a note in it that reads:
"Sorry, the world was supposed to end so I didn't
get you anything...
Blame the Mayans!"

 

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I grew up with six brothers.
That's how I learned to dance -
waiting for the bathroom.  ~Bob Hope

 

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Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?
They all have phones.

 

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TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog'
is exactly the same as your brother's..
Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

 

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You know you live in a Country run by idiots if...
You can get arrested for expired tags on your car
but not for being in the country illegally.

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