☺
♥
Remember this the next time you need to return
something and they are giving you a hard time!!!!!!!
A woman went to the service counter and told the
clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought
because it won't work.
The clerk told her that he can't give her a refund
because she bought it on special.
Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air
and started screaming, 'PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!'
The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store
manager in front of a growing crowd of customers.
The manager comes to the woman and asks,
'Ma'am what's wrong?'
She explains the problem with the toaster, and he
also tells her that he can't give her a refund because
she bought it on special.
Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the
air and screams, 'PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY
NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!'
Which begins to draw an even bigger crowd!
In shock, the store manager pleads, 'Ma'am,
why are you saying that?'
In a huff, the woman says,
'BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES
PINCHED WHEN I'M BEING SCREWED !!'
The crowd broke into applause and her money was
quickly refunded!!
something and they are giving you a hard time!!!!!!!
A woman went to the service counter and told the
clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought
because it won't work.
The clerk told her that he can't give her a refund
because she bought it on special.
Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air
and started screaming, 'PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!'
The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store
manager in front of a growing crowd of customers.
The manager comes to the woman and asks,
'Ma'am what's wrong?'
She explains the problem with the toaster, and he
also tells her that he can't give her a refund because
she bought it on special.
Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the
air and screams, 'PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY
NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!'
Which begins to draw an even bigger crowd!
In shock, the store manager pleads, 'Ma'am,
why are you saying that?'
In a huff, the woman says,
'BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES
PINCHED WHEN I'M BEING SCREWED !!'
The crowd broke into applause and her money was
quickly refunded!!
☺☺
I like to pick up hitchhikers.
When they get in the car I like to say, "Sooo, how far
did you THINK you were going anyway?" or
"Put on your seat belt. I want to try something
I saw it once in a cartoon, but I think I can do it."
I like to pick up hitchhikers.
When they get in the car I like to say, "Sooo, how far
did you THINK you were going anyway?" or
"Put on your seat belt. I want to try something
I saw it once in a cartoon, but I think I can do it."
☺☺
Who thinks we need dishwasher safe cat litter boxes?
Pet Smart in 13 different pleasing colors and only $39.99...
Pet Smart in 13 different pleasing colors and only $39.99...
☺☺
News flash!
We've just heard that scientists have discovered a
meteor heading towards Earth.
They have calculated that it will strike Washington
D.C. at around 2:00am tomorrow.
It will completely wipe the the city from the face of
the earth.
Now I'm faced with a terrible dilemma:
should I serve beer or champagne at my going away
party while we all watch it live on Big screen tv?
We've just heard that scientists have discovered a
meteor heading towards Earth.
They have calculated that it will strike Washington
D.C. at around 2:00am tomorrow.
It will completely wipe the the city from the face of
the earth.
Now I'm faced with a terrible dilemma:
should I serve beer or champagne at my going away
party while we all watch it live on Big screen tv?
☺☺
My wife shows no interest in any of my hobbies.
I made a foot stool yesterday and she flushed it
without a glance.
I made a foot stool yesterday and she flushed it
without a glance.
••
Lawyer: "Now that you have been acquitted,
will you tell me truly?.... Did you steal the car?"
Client: "After hearing your amazing argument in
court this morning, I’m beginning to think I didn’t."
will you tell me truly?.... Did you steal the car?"
Client: "After hearing your amazing argument in
court this morning, I’m beginning to think I didn’t."
☺☺
Yo Mama so fat her BMI is measured in acres.
Yo Mama so fat when she went to the movies she
sat next to everyone
Yo mama so fat when her beeper goes off,
people thought she was backing up
Yo mama so fat her nickname is "Lardo"
Yo Mama so fat when she went to the movies she
sat next to everyone
Yo mama so fat when her beeper goes off,
people thought she was backing up
Yo mama so fat her nickname is "Lardo"
☺☺
This Christmas I'm wrapping up batteries for my
kids with a note on saying: "Toys not included".
kids with a note on saying: "Toys not included".
☺☺
Senior citizens have taken to texting with gusto.
They even have their own vocabulary:
BFF: Best Friend Fainted
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered by Medicare
FWB: Friend with Beta-blockers
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
They even have their own vocabulary:
BFF: Best Friend Fainted
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered by Medicare
FWB: Friend with Beta-blockers
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
☺☺
Today a woman got breast implants made of wood.
A punchline here would be funny...
Wooden tit?
A punchline here would be funny...
Wooden tit?
☺☺
There's a brunette walking down a set of railroad
tracks saying,"21, 21, 21..."
Then a blonde pulls up, gets out of her car, and says,
"What are you doing?"
The brunette replies, "Just counting."
The blonde says, "May I join you?"
"Yes," replies the brunette.
So the blonde and the brunette are now both
walking down the railroad tracks saying," 21, 21, 21..."
A train comes and the brunette jumps off the tracks
as the blonde gets hit.
After the train passes, the brunette gets back on the
tracks and says,"22, 22, 22..."
tracks saying,"21, 21, 21..."
Then a blonde pulls up, gets out of her car, and says,
"What are you doing?"
The brunette replies, "Just counting."
The blonde says, "May I join you?"
"Yes," replies the brunette.
So the blonde and the brunette are now both
walking down the railroad tracks saying," 21, 21, 21..."
A train comes and the brunette jumps off the tracks
as the blonde gets hit.
After the train passes, the brunette gets back on the
tracks and says,"22, 22, 22..."
☺☺
Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is a mystery.
Today is a gift.
That's why it's called the present.
Tomorrow is a mystery.
Today is a gift.
That's why it's called the present.
☺☺
