Tuesday, December 4, 2012

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Q: What is harder than getting a pregnant woman
in a Volkswagen?
A: Getting a woman pregnant in a Volkswagen!
 
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That awkward moment where your rubbing
something off the front of your pants, only to realize
that a lot of people are staring at you as your rub
your crotch furiously.

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That awkward moment when you wish you would
have spent a little extra on 2-ply toliet paper...
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A pipe burst in a doctor's house.
He called a plumber.
The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did
mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and
handed the doctor a bill for $600.
The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous!
I don't even make that much as a doctor!."
The plumber quietly answered,
"Neither did I when I was a doctor."
 
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I can't decide wether to become a barber or a short
 story writer.
 Think I'll flip a coin, 'Heads or tales'.
 
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Little Johnny had finished his summer vacation and
gone back to school.
Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell
her that he was misbehaving.
"Wait a minute," she said.
"I had Johnny with me for three months and I never
called you once when he misbehaved."
 
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A husband was giving a speech on wife’s 30th
birthday, he said.....
Forget about the past, you can’t change it.
Forget about the future, you can’t predict it.
Forget about the present, I didn’t get you one.
 
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In time for the holidays.
A Love Story. kinda Brings a Tear to your eye!
A couple was Christmas shopping at the mall on
Christmas Eve and the mall was packed.
 As the wife walked through the mall she was
surprised to look up and see her husband was
nowhere around.
 She was quite upset because they had a lot to do.
 Because she was so worried, she called him on her
mobile phone to ask him where he was.
In a calm voice, the husband said, "Honey, you
remember the jewelry store we went into about
5 years ago where you fell in love with that diamond
necklace that we could not afford and I told you that
I would get it for you one day?"
The wife choked up and started to cry and said,
"Yes, I remember that jewelry store."
He said, "Well, I'm in the bar right next to it."
 
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Been diagnosed with a rare condition that makes
me think I'm an airport building.
Hope it's not terminal.
 
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