Down Hummingbird Lane

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An old Irishman was asked, "At your ripe old age,
which would you prefer to get – Parkinson’s or
Alzheimer's?"
The Irishman replied, "Bejesus, definitely Parkinson’s..
Better to spill half an ounce of whiskey than to forget
where you keep the bottle!"

 

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Today New Jersey Governor Chris Christie visited
the White House.
President Obama told him, "I'd invite you to lunch
but the deficit is already too high."

 

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My kids quit believing in christmas after they saw
the tag that says "made in china"

 

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Anyone who eats three meals a day should
understand why cookbooks outsell sex books
three to one.

 

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The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was
Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.

 

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I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
I just can't put it down.

 

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A little boy returned from the grocery store with his
mom.
While his mom put away the groceries, the little boy
opened his box of animal crackers and spread them
all over the kitchen table.
"What are you doing?" asked his mom.
"The box says you shouldn't eat them if the seal is
broken," said the little boy.
"I'm looking for the seal."

 

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What town in England makes terrible sandwiches?
Oldham!

 

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