Looks like he's been working out......
Any one that locks a dog in the car....
I hope it smells good.....
••
♥
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been
any interest in his paintings on display at that time.
"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied.
"The good news is that a gentleman inquired about
your work and wondered if it would appreciate in
value after your death.
When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your
paintings."
"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed.
"What's the bad news?"
"The guy was your doctor."
any interest in his paintings on display at that time.
"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied.
"The good news is that a gentleman inquired about
your work and wondered if it would appreciate in
value after your death.
When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your
paintings."
"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed.
"What's the bad news?"
"The guy was your doctor."
••
I went on a date with a blonde chick last nite
"Do you have any kids", she asked
"I have one child thats under two",I told her....
She said "I may be blonde, but I know how many
one is"
"Do you have any kids", she asked
"I have one child thats under two",I told her....
She said "I may be blonde, but I know how many
one is"
••
This ole redneck boy was at an awards banquet
dinner sitting across from a Japanese fellow.
A bit awkward but wanting to be friendly when they
brought out the soup, the ole redneck fellow asked
across the table; you likey soupy?
The Japanese fellow just nodded his head.
After the dinner the Japanese fellow was called to
the podium to accept his award.
After giving a 10 minute acceptance speech in perfect
English with no hint of an accent he returned to his
seat at the table.
Leaning over he asked the ole redneck boy;
you likey speechy?
dinner sitting across from a Japanese fellow.
A bit awkward but wanting to be friendly when they
brought out the soup, the ole redneck fellow asked
across the table; you likey soupy?
The Japanese fellow just nodded his head.
After the dinner the Japanese fellow was called to
the podium to accept his award.
After giving a 10 minute acceptance speech in perfect
English with no hint of an accent he returned to his
seat at the table.
Leaning over he asked the ole redneck boy;
you likey speechy?
••
Useless Knowledge....
Although they were fearless in battle,
Napoleon and Julius Caesar both suffered from
ailurophobia, the severe fear of cats.
Although they were fearless in battle,
Napoleon and Julius Caesar both suffered from
ailurophobia, the severe fear of cats.
••
My wife’s best friend sat on my glasses and broke
them.
It was my own fault.
I should have taken them off.
them.
It was my own fault.
I should have taken them off.
••
One morning a hungover teacher was writing on the
blackboard when he let one rip.....
He quickly turns around and says to the first student he seen,
"Stop that johnny"
the student replies, ....."I will sir, but where did it go?"
blackboard when he let one rip.....
He quickly turns around and says to the first student he seen,
"Stop that johnny"
the student replies, ....."I will sir, but where did it go?"
••
Mom Scoldings in the Bible......
Mom Scoldings in the Bible......
10. Sampson, get your hands off of that lion,
you don't know where it's been!
9. David, I told you not to play in the house with
that string!
Go practice your harp.
We pay good money for those lessons.
8. Abraham! Stop wandering around the countryside
and get home for supper!
7. Shadrach, Meschach and Abendeco! I told you,
never play with fire!
6. Cain! Get off your brother!
You're going to kill him some day!
5. Noah, no you can' t help them.
Don't bring home any strays.
4. Gideon! Have you been hiding in that wine press
again?..... Look at my clothes.
3. James and John! No more burping at the dinner
table, please.
People are going to call you sons of thunder.
2. Judas! Have you been in my purse again?
1. Jesus! Close the door!
You think you were born in a barn.
you don't know where it's been!
9. David, I told you not to play in the house with
that string!
Go practice your harp.
We pay good money for those lessons.
8. Abraham! Stop wandering around the countryside
and get home for supper!
7. Shadrach, Meschach and Abendeco! I told you,
never play with fire!
6. Cain! Get off your brother!
You're going to kill him some day!
5. Noah, no you can' t help them.
Don't bring home any strays.
4. Gideon! Have you been hiding in that wine press
again?..... Look at my clothes.
3. James and John! No more burping at the dinner
table, please.
People are going to call you sons of thunder.
2. Judas! Have you been in my purse again?
1. Jesus! Close the door!
You think you were born in a barn.
••
Q: What's another name for a clever duck?
A: A wise quacker!
A: A wise quacker!
••••
