Down Hummingbird Lane

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Useless Knowledge.....
There are 40,000 muscles and tendons in an
elephant’s trunk.
This makes it very strong and flexible, allowing an
elephant to pluck a delicate flower, untie a knot,
or tear a tree out of the ground; yet the trunk is
sensitive enough to smell water 3 miles away.

 

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A garage mechanic comes out to rescue a broken
down car.
Out of respect for other drivers the mechanic leaves
his hazards on while parked on the side of the road.
The exhaust from the broken down car has fallen off
and needs tying up before the car can be driven onto
the mechanic's trailer.
The mechanic tells the car owner "As it is only
3:00pm I should be able to have the car ready for
you by 5pm".
At 5:10pm the mechanic rings the car owner.
"Sorry I didn't ring you by 5:00pm, but I only got
back to the garage 5 minutes ago.
"Why, what happened?" asked the car owner.
"My vehicle battery went flat, and I had to ring the
garage to ask for another mechanic to come out and
rescue me," replied the mechanic.

 

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I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles.
My next shit could spell disaster.

 

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My mama was so cheap, she waited til after
Christmas.
Baby, Santa Claus missed our house.
I called him, and he coming back tomorrow.
She was waiting for the stuff to go on sale.

 

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Fly in My Soup.......
Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
"That's entirely possible.
Our cook used to be a tailor.

 

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We live in an expanding universe.
All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.

 

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I owe my life to Justin Beiber...
I was in a coma for 2 years, until one of the nurses
played one of his songs for me, and I woke from my
coma just so I could turn that shit off.

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