Cake for Breakfast?
••
♥
A rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve
to ask a pretty junior for a dance at the homecoming. She gave him the once-over and said, "Sorry,
I won't dance with a child."
"Please forgive me," responded the underclassman.
"I didn't realize you were pregnant."
••
Aliens DO indeed exist.
They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.....
••
You might be a reneck if...
You can chew your own toenails.You've ever used an inner-tube patch on your jeans.
You want the opening day of deer hunting season
to be declared a national holiday.
Someone knocks on your front door and your back
door rattles.
You let goldenrod grow in your yard because it
looks so pretty.
You've ever absent-mindedly nibbled on your live
bait . . . and didn't spit it out.
••
saw a man with one arm.. shopping in a second hand
store. I was all like, "You're not going to find what you're
looking for in here".
••
During a 2009 case in municipal court in Middletown
Ohio, a lawyer asked the judge to be excused from representing his client.
The judge scanned the courtroom, looking for a
suitable replacement.
But before he could find one, the defendant stood up
and said, "That's all right, Judge.
I won't be needing another lawyer.
I've decided to tell the truth."
••
A blonde goes into a music store and asks the guy
who works there, where the country music CD's are.The salesman replies, "Try the other side."
So the blonde moves to his other ear and says,
"Where are the country music CD's?
••
Bacon & eggs - Hens are involved but pigs are
committed.••
Coca Cola was invented by John Pemerton in 1886.
It used to be made from coca leaves and could contain traces of cocaine (from 0.1% to 0.9%
depending on where grown.)
Though it is no longer made with cocaine.
••
I've lived in New York for a long time, same
apartment, and there are a lot of robberies in that building.
And I felt so bad for my neighbor because her dog
and VCR got stolen -- nothing else, just the dog and
the VCR.
I wonder what the burglar was thinking at the time?
Hmmm, I'd really like to rent a movie,
but I don't want to watch it by myself....
••
I don't understand what is wrong with you people.
You're all making apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow.
••
One Friday night, a thirteen-year-old boy went into
a bar, sat down at a table in the corner of the pool room.
When the waitress walked over to his table,
the teenager said, "Gimme a beer."
The waitress eyed him for a moment and said,
"Look, sonny...... Do you want to get me in trouble?"
The boy glanced back at her and replied,
"Maybe later....... Right now all I want is a beer."
••
