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A tough old cowboy once counseled his grandson
that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to
sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every
morning.
The grandson did this religiously and he lived to the
age of 93.
When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren,
35 great grandchildren and a fifteen foot hole in the
wall of the crematorium.
that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to
sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every
morning.
The grandson did this religiously and he lived to the
age of 93.
When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren,
35 great grandchildren and a fifteen foot hole in the
wall of the crematorium.
••
fantasy roleplay...
last week I indulged my wife's sexual fantasy.....
She dressed up as a cheerleader, and I played a guy
who was interested in what she had to say......
last week I indulged my wife's sexual fantasy.....
She dressed up as a cheerleader, and I played a guy
who was interested in what she had to say......
••
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped
down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't
punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't
punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
••
A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with
a girl named Clearly.
Suddenly, Lorraine died.
At the funeral, the man stands up and sings,
"I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
a girl named Clearly.
Suddenly, Lorraine died.
At the funeral, the man stands up and sings,
"I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
••
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over
intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over
experience. ~Oscar Wilde~
intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over
experience. ~Oscar Wilde~
••
My memory is going....
Somebody was telling me earlier about the Mayan
Calendar and an event predicted to happen on the
21st of December 2012, but I can't remember what
it was.
Oh well, it's not the end of the world.
Somebody was telling me earlier about the Mayan
Calendar and an event predicted to happen on the
21st of December 2012, but I can't remember what
it was.
Oh well, it's not the end of the world.
••
A man walks into a crowded bar pointing a gun
around.
"Which one of you bastards has been sleeping with
my wife?" He shouts.
A voice from the back of the bar replies.
"I don't think you brought enough ammo."
around.
"Which one of you bastards has been sleeping with
my wife?" He shouts.
A voice from the back of the bar replies.
"I don't think you brought enough ammo."
••
I love football, my wife just doesn't get it.
She told me this morning that I put football before
our marriage.
"Bullcrap," I replied.
"It's our third season together."
She told me this morning that I put football before
our marriage.
"Bullcrap," I replied.
"It's our third season together."
••
"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is
dressed in overalls, and looks like work"
-- Thomas A. Edison
dressed in overalls, and looks like work"
-- Thomas A. Edison
••
Wife texts husband on a cold winters morning:
Windows frozen."
Husband texts back: "Pour some lukewarm water
over it."
Wife texts back 5 minutes later:
"Computer completely dead now."
Windows frozen."
Husband texts back: "Pour some lukewarm water
over it."
Wife texts back 5 minutes later:
"Computer completely dead now."
••
A man phones the hospital and says, "Help,
my wife is in labour!"
The nurse says, "Calm down, is this her first child?"
The man replies, "No...... This is her husband."
my wife is in labour!"
The nurse says, "Calm down, is this her first child?"
The man replies, "No...... This is her husband."
A traveling salesman..... gathers up all the residents
in a retirement community to give them the pitch.
He starts: "What I have here is the finest hearing aid
in existence.
It is state of the art.
in a retirement community to give them the pitch.
He starts: "What I have here is the finest hearing aid
in existence.
It is state of the art.
Computer designed, laser driven.
Engineers from 7 countries developed this hearing aid
to replace and far surpass anything else on today's market.
It is truly the last hearing aid you will ever need."
A man stands up in the back of the room and asks
"well what kind is it?"
The salesman looks at his watch and replies
"It's a quarter till five."
A man stands up in the back of the room and asks
"well what kind is it?"
The salesman looks at his watch and replies
"It's a quarter till five."
••
