••
♥
Useless Knowledge...
"If it weren’t for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of the
television, we’d still be eating frozen radio dinners."
-Johnny Carson
"If it weren’t for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of the
television, we’d still be eating frozen radio dinners."
-Johnny Carson
••
Did you hear about the duck with a drug problem?
He was a quackhead.
He was a quackhead.
••
One of my daughter's pet rabbits died yesterday but
I came up with a novel idea.
I hope the other one dies before Christmas though
'cos I can't see her wanting to wear just the one
novelty slipper.
I came up with a novel idea.
I hope the other one dies before Christmas though
'cos I can't see her wanting to wear just the one
novelty slipper.
••
I've never understood the concept of the gift
certificate because for the same $50 bucks,
[my friend] couldve gotten me $50 bucks.
certificate because for the same $50 bucks,
[my friend] couldve gotten me $50 bucks.
••
A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a
customer, "No, ma'am, we haven't had any for some
weeks now, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting
any soon."
Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed
over to the customer who was walking out the door
and said, "That isn't true, ma'am.
Of course, we'll have some soon.
In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks
ago."
Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled,
"Never, never, never, never say we don't have
something.
If we don't have it, say we ordered it and it's on its
way.
Now, what was it she wanted?"
The clerk smiled and said...
"Rain..."
customer, "No, ma'am, we haven't had any for some
weeks now, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting
any soon."
Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed
over to the customer who was walking out the door
and said, "That isn't true, ma'am.
Of course, we'll have some soon.
In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks
ago."
Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled,
"Never, never, never, never say we don't have
something.
If we don't have it, say we ordered it and it's on its
way.
Now, what was it she wanted?"
The clerk smiled and said...
"Rain..."
••
Teacher: How can you prevent diseases caused by
biting insects?
Suzie: Don't bite any!
biting insects?
Suzie: Don't bite any!
••
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother
smoothed cold cream on her face.
'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked.
'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother,
who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
'What's the matter?' asked Little Johnny.... 'Giving up?'
smoothed cold cream on her face.
'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked.
'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother,
who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
'What's the matter?' asked Little Johnny.... 'Giving up?'
••
I was building a blonde snowman yesterday.
Took me forever to hollow out the head.
Took me forever to hollow out the head.
••
There was a sandwich machine in a Norwegian
factory.
Olaf didn't quite understand what the machine was
about though.
He went to the machine and put his money in the
machine and got one sandwich.
He was so excited, he put more of his money into the
machine and received another sandwich.
Finally he had a huge pile of sandwiches.
Another worker was wondering what Olaf was doing:
"Olaf, don't you think you should stop now?"
What the hell are you babbling about?!
I am just starting to win big!"
factory.
Olaf didn't quite understand what the machine was
about though.
He went to the machine and put his money in the
machine and got one sandwich.
He was so excited, he put more of his money into the
machine and received another sandwich.
Finally he had a huge pile of sandwiches.
Another worker was wondering what Olaf was doing:
"Olaf, don't you think you should stop now?"
What the hell are you babbling about?!
I am just starting to win big!"
••
