••
♥
Politics: The conduct of public affairs for private
advantage.
advantage.
••
My wife came in starving today....
so I made her a great big ham and cheese sandwich.
"Don't eat it yet, just hold the plate" I said.
Five minutes later I took it and threw it in the trash.
"What the hell?!" she snarled.
"Remember this feeling," I said.
"Next time you come to bed all sexy, in a nightie,
smelling gorgeous and ask me just to hold you."
so I made her a great big ham and cheese sandwich.
"Don't eat it yet, just hold the plate" I said.
Five minutes later I took it and threw it in the trash.
"What the hell?!" she snarled.
"Remember this feeling," I said.
"Next time you come to bed all sexy, in a nightie,
smelling gorgeous and ask me just to hold you."
••
After learning that her parents were in a minor car
accident, my wife called her mother.
“What happened?” she asked.”
I was driving and fell asleep,” said her mother,
irritated.
“And of course, your father wasn’t paying attention!”
accident, my wife called her mother.
“What happened?” she asked.”
I was driving and fell asleep,” said her mother,
irritated.
“And of course, your father wasn’t paying attention!”
••
Londoner Joanna Kirchmeier arrived home to find
her husband, Helmut, in front of a mirror
“just staring at himself, his pupils tiny.”
Helmut, a newly trained hypnotist, had accidentally
hypnotized himself while rehearsing a new act and
had been standing like that for five hours.
her husband, Helmut, in front of a mirror
“just staring at himself, his pupils tiny.”
Helmut, a newly trained hypnotist, had accidentally
hypnotized himself while rehearsing a new act and
had been standing like that for five hours.
••
“Doctor, please help me,” says an elderly patient.
“I have silent passage of gas every morning.
I have silent passage of gas every afternoon,
and I suffer from silent passage of gas in the evening.
Sometimes I have silent passage of gas at
unpredictable times—for instance, just now.
Doctor, can you help me?” “Sure, I can help you‚”
says the doctor.
“But first you need your hearing worked on...
“I have silent passage of gas every morning.
I have silent passage of gas every afternoon,
and I suffer from silent passage of gas in the evening.
Sometimes I have silent passage of gas at
unpredictable times—for instance, just now.
Doctor, can you help me?” “Sure, I can help you‚”
says the doctor.
“But first you need your hearing worked on...
••
Why does the Easter Bunny hide all his eggs?
Because he doesn’t want anyone to know he’s laying
with a chicken.
Because he doesn’t want anyone to know he’s laying
with a chicken.
••
What has small balls and screws old ladies?
A Bingo machine.
A Bingo machine.
••
The unabashed dictionary defines 'deja moo' as the
feeling you get when you've heard the same bullshit
before.
feeling you get when you've heard the same bullshit
before.
••
