••
♥
"Never judge a man's prowess by the size of his
duck call." - Duck Commander
••
So Flex rang up the police station and inquired:
'I believe you've caught the burglar who broke into
our house last night?'
'Indeed we have,' said the desk sergeant.
'Well,' said Flex, ' Do me a great favor could you ask
him how he got in without waking the wife?'
'I believe you've caught the burglar who broke into
our house last night?'
'Indeed we have,' said the desk sergeant.
'Well,' said Flex, ' Do me a great favor could you ask
him how he got in without waking the wife?'
••
A Jewish curse: May all your teeth fall out -
except one, so you can have a toothache.
except one, so you can have a toothache.
••
"You're not very good at hiding it are you?"
My wife asked.
"Hiding what, love?" I replied
"The fact that you're sleeping with that slag next
door," she shouted.
"What the hell gives you that idea?" I said.
"Well, for a start, that's her coat on the sofa
downstairs and I can see her damn feet behind that
curtain."
My wife asked.
"Hiding what, love?" I replied
"The fact that you're sleeping with that slag next
door," she shouted.
"What the hell gives you that idea?" I said.
"Well, for a start, that's her coat on the sofa
downstairs and I can see her damn feet behind that
curtain."
••
A Jewish Curse: May your blood turn to whiskey,
so that a hundred bedbugs get drunk on it and dance
the mazurka in your belly button.
so that a hundred bedbugs get drunk on it and dance
the mazurka in your belly button.
••
There they were - the pearly gates.
And outside hung a notice over the left side saying:
'Men who have been dominated by their wives line up
here'.
Under the notice there was a line of men stretching
almost to eternity.
Over the right side a notice read: 'Men who have not
been dominated by their wives line up here.'
Under the notice stood Casey - all alone!
Along came Saint Peter, who said:
'Why are you standing here?'
To which Casey replied, 'The wife sent me!'
And outside hung a notice over the left side saying:
'Men who have been dominated by their wives line up
here'.
Under the notice there was a line of men stretching
almost to eternity.
Over the right side a notice read: 'Men who have not
been dominated by their wives line up here.'
Under the notice stood Casey - all alone!
Along came Saint Peter, who said:
'Why are you standing here?'
To which Casey replied, 'The wife sent me!'
••
"Making a speech on economics is a bit like pissing
down your leg.
It seems hot to you but never to anyone else."
~ Lyndon B Johnson ~
down your leg.
It seems hot to you but never to anyone else."
~ Lyndon B Johnson ~
••
"Marriage is a wonderful institution.
But who wants to live in an institution?"
~ Groucho Marx ~
But who wants to live in an institution?"
~ Groucho Marx ~
••
I was woken up the other morning with a bad
hangover my neighbor was mowing his lawn at 6am,
my first thought was to strangle the damn noisy
bugger, then I thought nah... he will just have to
mow around me.
hangover my neighbor was mowing his lawn at 6am,
my first thought was to strangle the damn noisy
bugger, then I thought nah... he will just have to
mow around me.
••
