••
♥
Answering Machine Message 109....
Hello, this is the Brown residence.
We're in the middle of a family fight right now.
Leave your name and number at the beep and
whoever wins will call you right back.
Hello, this is the Brown residence.
We're in the middle of a family fight right now.
Leave your name and number at the beep and
whoever wins will call you right back.
••
My doctor gave me some anti-gloating cream.
I can't stop rubbing it in.
I can't stop rubbing it in.
••
The circus strongman had a brief affair with the
contortionist, but she broke it off.
contortionist, but she broke it off.
••
My wife said to me, "Do you have a good memory for
faces?"
I replied, "I guess so...... Why?"
"I just broke your shaving mirror," she said.
faces?"
I replied, "I guess so...... Why?"
"I just broke your shaving mirror," she said.
••
''I watched that film about the Elephant man earlier''
''Really?.... Was John Hurt in that one?''
''No, I think he was OK''
''I watched that film about the Elephant man earlier''
''Really?.... Was John Hurt in that one?''
''No, I think he was OK''
••
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death.
He wins fair and square...
He wins fair and square...
••
The boss called me and my friend into the office -
furious, he was.
"You two", he roared, "You drove into the storage bay,
straight into all those boxes, knocked them flying,
then you both jumped out, rolled all over the ground,
pointing imaginary guns at people, and shouting
"Let's go, let's go!"
What the hell's the matter with you?"
"Well" I said, "We're only doing what you said.
You told us to start acting like Professionals!"
furious, he was.
"You two", he roared, "You drove into the storage bay,
straight into all those boxes, knocked them flying,
then you both jumped out, rolled all over the ground,
pointing imaginary guns at people, and shouting
"Let's go, let's go!"
What the hell's the matter with you?"
"Well" I said, "We're only doing what you said.
You told us to start acting like Professionals!"
••
Cop stops a drunk pulling a chain down the freeway..
"Hey buddy why are you pulling a chain down the
freeway"?
Drunk looks at him and says "you ever try to push
one"..
Cop stops a drunk pulling a chain down the freeway..
"Hey buddy why are you pulling a chain down the
freeway"?
Drunk looks at him and says "you ever try to push
one"..
••
My doctor told me I'm color blind.
What a shock that was - came right out of the orange!
At least I can still enjoy music - Green Floyd,
The Moody Pinks and Deep Yellow.
All together now: "We all live in a purple submarine,
a purple submarine, a purple submarine.........."
What a shock that was - came right out of the orange!
At least I can still enjoy music - Green Floyd,
The Moody Pinks and Deep Yellow.
All together now: "We all live in a purple submarine,
a purple submarine, a purple submarine.........."
••
I got in touch with my inner self today.
That's the last time I buy Dollar Value toilet rolls.
That's the last time I buy Dollar Value toilet rolls.
••
I passed my neighbour the other day and couldn't
help notice that he was putting stuff on his lawn.
Curious, I asked;
"What's that your putting on your lawn Dave?"
He said "it's to keep the UFO and aliens away"
I said "we don't get UFO's and Aliens here mate"
"Fantastic stuff isn't it" he said.
help notice that he was putting stuff on his lawn.
Curious, I asked;
"What's that your putting on your lawn Dave?"
He said "it's to keep the UFO and aliens away"
I said "we don't get UFO's and Aliens here mate"
"Fantastic stuff isn't it" he said.
••
