Down Hummingbird Lane

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♥

Money is like manure.
You have to spread it around or it smells.
-Jean Paul Getty

 

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Thanksgiving-Themed Movies......
14. To Kill A Walking Bird
13. My Best Friend's Dressing
12. The Texas Coleslaw Massacre
11. Casserolablanca
10. The Fabulous Baster Boys
9. 12 Hungry Men
8. Silence of the Yams
7. For Love of The Game Hen
6. I Know What You Ate Last Winter
5. All the President's Menu
4. White Meat Can't Jump
3. When Harry Met Salad
2. The Story of U.S.
and the Number 1 Upcoming Thanksgiving-Themed
Movie...
1. The Wing and I

 

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Times are tough.....
I just got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

 

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This morning, my wife told my 3 year old daughter
that owls were nocturnal.
My daughter responded "Yes, owls are not turtles."

 

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The economy is so bad, MSNBC had to lay off 300
Obama spokesmen.

 

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During my physical yesterday, my doctor asked me
about my daily activity level,
and so I described a typical day this way:
"Well, yesterday morning, I waded along the edge
of a lake, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush,
marched up and down several rocky hills, stood in
a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand,
and jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake."
Inspired by my story, the doctor said, "You must be
some outdoors man!"
 "No," I replied, "I'm just a shitty golfer."

 

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No one knew she had a dental implant until it
came out in a conversation.

 

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A Year 5 teacher was giving her Primary pupils a
lesson in developing logical thinking.
"This is the scene," said the teacher.
"A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a
river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and
begins splashing and yelling for help.
His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim,
and runs down to the bank.
Why do you think she ran to the bank?"
A little girl raised her hand and asked,
"To draw out all his savings?"

 

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