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♥
My wife being the romantic sort, just sent me a text...
"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite.
If you are drinking, send me a sip.
If you are crying, send me your tears.
I love you xxx."
I replied........"I am taking a dump........
What should I do?"
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One of the most striking differences between a cat
and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives. -Mark Twain
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What do you get when you cross a Doberman
pincher with an Alligator ? A Crime Free Neighborhood !
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Being pulled over is no joke.
Its scary, but you know whats even worse? Being a passenger in your friends car when they get
pulled over.
Thats when you start finding out the things about
your best friend you never knew existed.
Damn! Damn! This car is not even registered.
I got a handgun in the glove box, cocaine under your
seat.
I'm wearing a wig, and weve got a dead body in the
trunk.
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My wife wanted to spice things up in the bedroom.
So I dipped her vibrator in tabasco sauce.
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Son: "Dad, did you go to Church when
you were little?"Dad: "Yes son, every single Sunday."
Son: "I Thought so. Bet it won't do me
any good either."
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Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a butterfly
Will you say what you mean and stop flitting about!
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Had a friend that had 2 fingers cut off.
Next day when i heard about it i called and told him i was with the FBI and i understood that we needed
to make an appointment for some new fingerprint
cards.
There was no hesitation on his part when he said yes
and it won't take near as much ink..
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