••
••
♥
After the church service, a little boy told the pastor:
"When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money."
"Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "but why?"
"Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest
preachers we've ever had."
"When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money."
"Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "but why?"
"Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest
preachers we've ever had."
••
John got off the elevator on the 50th floor and
nervously knocked on his blind date's door.
She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as
everyone had said.
"I'll be ready in a few minutes," she said.
"Why don't you play with Spot, my dog, while you're
waiting?"
He does wonderful tricks.
He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up and if you make
a hoop with your arms, he'll jump through."
The dog followed John onto the balcony and started
rolling over.
John made a hoop with his arms and Spot jumped
through--over the balcony railing.
Just then John's date walked out.
"Isn't Spot the cutest, happiest dog you've ever seen?"
"To tell the the truth, " he replied,
"Spot seemed a little depressed to me!"
nervously knocked on his blind date's door.
She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as
everyone had said.
"I'll be ready in a few minutes," she said.
"Why don't you play with Spot, my dog, while you're
waiting?"
He does wonderful tricks.
He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up and if you make
a hoop with your arms, he'll jump through."
The dog followed John onto the balcony and started
rolling over.
John made a hoop with his arms and Spot jumped
through--over the balcony railing.
Just then John's date walked out.
"Isn't Spot the cutest, happiest dog you've ever seen?"
"To tell the the truth, " he replied,
"Spot seemed a little depressed to me!"
••
Usless Knowledge:
Before she met Popeye, Olive Oyl
went out with Ham Gravy.
Before she met Popeye, Olive Oyl
went out with Ham Gravy.
••
He was in ecstasy with a huge smile on his face as
his wife moved forwards, then backwards, forward,
then backwards again....back and forth...back and
forth...in and out...in and out.
Her heart was pounding...her face was flushed...
then she made a sound, softly at first, then began to
groan louder.
Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty
scream and shouted, "OK, OK! I CAN'T park the
damn car!
You do it.......
his wife moved forwards, then backwards, forward,
then backwards again....back and forth...back and
forth...in and out...in and out.
Her heart was pounding...her face was flushed...
then she made a sound, softly at first, then began to
groan louder.
Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty
scream and shouted, "OK, OK! I CAN'T park the
damn car!
You do it.......
••
I couldn't get my kite to fly today so I called the
National Kite Flyers Association to get some advice.
They kept telling me to hold the line.
I couldn't get my kite to fly today so I called the
National Kite Flyers Association to get some advice.
They kept telling me to hold the line.
••
A biology teacher at a school announces to the pupils
that there is an exam the next week on birds.
He tells the class that they have to know everything
about every bird there is.
A student goes home to revise birds: wings, beaks
and feathers on different bird species.
On the day of the exam, the teacher shows a table
with five bags on it.
Under each bag is a model of a bird.
The teacher lifts the first bag to reveal only the legs
of the bird, then tells the class to write down what
species the bird is.
A pupil groans because she can't even guess what
species the bird is.
When the teacher gets to the third bag the pupil
stands up, walks up to the table, throws down her
crumpled exam paper onto the table and says,
"This is the most ridiculous test I've ever seen!
You are a horrible teacher"!
The teacher says, "Calm down young lady, what is
your name?"
The pupil raises her dress to her knees and says,
"You tell me!"
that there is an exam the next week on birds.
He tells the class that they have to know everything
about every bird there is.
A student goes home to revise birds: wings, beaks
and feathers on different bird species.
On the day of the exam, the teacher shows a table
with five bags on it.
Under each bag is a model of a bird.
The teacher lifts the first bag to reveal only the legs
of the bird, then tells the class to write down what
species the bird is.
A pupil groans because she can't even guess what
species the bird is.
When the teacher gets to the third bag the pupil
stands up, walks up to the table, throws down her
crumpled exam paper onto the table and says,
"This is the most ridiculous test I've ever seen!
You are a horrible teacher"!
The teacher says, "Calm down young lady, what is
your name?"
The pupil raises her dress to her knees and says,
"You tell me!"
••
A man comes home early from work and finds his
wife in the company of another man.
The conversation goes like this...
Wife : Why are you so early from work ?
Husband : Who is he ?
Wife : Now , don't change the topic !!
••
America; where there are ten million laws to enforce
Ten Commandments.
Ten Commandments.
••
I was at the donut shop this morning when this
old lady comes in trips on the mat and goes head
first in to a glass display breaking everything.
As I stood there looking at her in shock I thought:
Holy Hell! This is definitely going on YouTube!
old lady comes in trips on the mat and goes head
first in to a glass display breaking everything.
As I stood there looking at her in shock I thought:
Holy Hell! This is definitely going on YouTube!
••
