Down Hummingbird Lane

 

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♥

My black eye & fat lip suggests that 'up the backside'...
was definitely the wrong answer, when my girlfriend
asked me 'where are you taking me for my birthday?'

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The chemistry is gone from our relationship.
 My wife can't get anti-depressants any more and
I've run out of Viagra.

 

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When Chuck Norris watches a pot,
it boils immediately....

 

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The veterinarian called me yesterday:
 "Your wife's here with your cat.
She's very sick and so I call you to ask if it would be
okay to euthanise her?"
 "No problem.", I said, "I think the cat knows the
way home."

 

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A computer programmer is off to the shops one
morning and his wife asks "Can you get me a pint of
milk and if they have eggs, get six".
An hour later he returns with 6 pints of milk.
"Why the hell have you bought 6 pints of milk?"
asks the wife?
"They had eggs"

 

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No diet will remove all the fat from your body because
the brain is entirely fat.
Without a brain you might look good, but all you
could do is run for public office.

 

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Q How many lawyer jokes are there?
A Only One..... The rest are true stories.

 

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Jane loved Tony, but she worried about all the
money he squandered when they went out together.
How can I stop Tony spending so much money on
me? She asked her mother.
Marry him!

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A man walks in to the doctors and says,
"Doctor, doctor, I think I'm addicted to Twitter".
The doctor looks at him and says,
"Sorry, I don't follow you".

 

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