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•••
♥
The group had surrounded a dog.
Concerned the boys were hurting the dog, the
reverend went over and asked, "What are you doing
with that dog?"
One of the boys replied, "This dog is just an old
neighborhood stray.
We all want him, but only one of us can take him
home.
So we've decided that whichever one of us can tell
the biggest lie will get to keep the dog."
The reverend was taken aback, "You boys shouldn't
be having a contest telling lies!" he exclaimed.
He then launched into a 10-minute sermon against
lying, beginning, "Don't you boys know it's a sin to
lie?" and ending with, "Why, when I was your age,
I never told a lie."
There was dead silence for about a minute.
Just as the reverend was beginning to think he'd
gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep
sigh and said, "All right, give him the dog."
Concerned the boys were hurting the dog, the
reverend went over and asked, "What are you doing
with that dog?"
One of the boys replied, "This dog is just an old
neighborhood stray.
We all want him, but only one of us can take him
home.
So we've decided that whichever one of us can tell
the biggest lie will get to keep the dog."
The reverend was taken aback, "You boys shouldn't
be having a contest telling lies!" he exclaimed.
He then launched into a 10-minute sermon against
lying, beginning, "Don't you boys know it's a sin to
lie?" and ending with, "Why, when I was your age,
I never told a lie."
There was dead silence for about a minute.
Just as the reverend was beginning to think he'd
gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep
sigh and said, "All right, give him the dog."
••
I went as a leaf blower for Hallowe'en.
At a party, one guy came in dressed as a leaf.
Needless to say, it was awkward.
At a party, one guy came in dressed as a leaf.
Needless to say, it was awkward.
••
A woman has sued her local hospital, saying that
after her husband was treated recently, he has lost
all interest in sex.
A hospital spokesman replied, “The man was
admitted in Ophthalmology -
all we did was correct his eyesight ...”
after her husband was treated recently, he has lost
all interest in sex.
A hospital spokesman replied, “The man was
admitted in Ophthalmology -
all we did was correct his eyesight ...”
••
I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick
dancing on a table.
I said to her, "Nice legs."
The girl giggled and said with a smile,
"Do you really think so."
I said "Definitely, most tables would have collapsed
by now."
dancing on a table.
I said to her, "Nice legs."
The girl giggled and said with a smile,
"Do you really think so."
I said "Definitely, most tables would have collapsed
by now."
••
"Mommy, my turtle is dead," the little boy, Johnny,
sorrowfully told his mother, holding the turtle out to
her in his hand.
The mother kissed him on the head, then said,
"That's all right.
We'll wrap him in tissue paper, put him in a little
box, then have a nice burial ceremony in the back
yard.
After that, we'll go out for an ice cream soda, and
then get you a new pet."
"Ice cream?" the little boy said, wiping his tears and
smiling, "Oh! Boy!"
His mother said, "I don't want you..."
Her voice trailed off as she noticed the turtle move,
"Johnny, you're turtle is not dead after all."
"Oh," the disappointed boy said.... "Can I kill it?"
sorrowfully told his mother, holding the turtle out to
her in his hand.
The mother kissed him on the head, then said,
"That's all right.
We'll wrap him in tissue paper, put him in a little
box, then have a nice burial ceremony in the back
yard.
After that, we'll go out for an ice cream soda, and
then get you a new pet."
"Ice cream?" the little boy said, wiping his tears and
smiling, "Oh! Boy!"
His mother said, "I don't want you..."
Her voice trailed off as she noticed the turtle move,
"Johnny, you're turtle is not dead after all."
"Oh," the disappointed boy said.... "Can I kill it?"
••
A Rabbi, who had come from abroad and been in
England a few years, finally listened to his
Congregation and started English lessons to brush
up on his English and be able to speak to and
understand everyone better.
After about ten lessons the teacher said "Tonight
we are going to look at the Word Cultivate.
Can anyone Say a Phrase with the words
"to Cultivate" in it.
The Rabbi put his hand up and the teacher said OK
Rabbi let’s hear it.
The Rabbi says "De utter day I was waiting for a bus,
and it was tu culd tu vait so I took a taxi".
England a few years, finally listened to his
Congregation and started English lessons to brush
up on his English and be able to speak to and
understand everyone better.
After about ten lessons the teacher said "Tonight
we are going to look at the Word Cultivate.
Can anyone Say a Phrase with the words
"to Cultivate" in it.
The Rabbi put his hand up and the teacher said OK
Rabbi let’s hear it.
The Rabbi says "De utter day I was waiting for a bus,
and it was tu culd tu vait so I took a taxi".
••
My wife left me because I kept touching pasta
inappropriately...
Now I'm feeling cannelloni
inappropriately...
Now I'm feeling cannelloni
••
History teaches us that we need both optimists and
pessimists; we need the former to invent the
airplane, and the latter to invent the parachute.
pessimists; we need the former to invent the
airplane, and the latter to invent the parachute.
••
PLEASE DO YOUR PART! Today is one of the many
National Mental Health Days throughout the year.
You can do your bit by remembering to send an
e-mail to at least one unstable person.
My job is done!
National Mental Health Days throughout the year.
You can do your bit by remembering to send an
e-mail to at least one unstable person.
My job is done!
••
You tell your guy friends you got engaged, its like
hearing someone died.
What happened man?..... Wow.
He was so young, man.
What happened?
He had his whole life ahead of him.
Wow, I just saw him yesterday.
hearing someone died.
What happened man?..... Wow.
He was so young, man.
What happened?
He had his whole life ahead of him.
Wow, I just saw him yesterday.
••
