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♥
A dying grandma tells her grandchild,
“I want to leave you my farm.
That includes the barn, livestock, the harvest, the
tractor, and other equipment, the farmhouse and
$24,548,750.45 in cash.”
The grandchild, absolutely floored and about to
become rich says, “Oh grandma, you are SO generous!
I didn’t even know you had a farm.
Where is it?”
With her last breath, Grandma whispered........
“Facebook…”
“I want to leave you my farm.
That includes the barn, livestock, the harvest, the
tractor, and other equipment, the farmhouse and
$24,548,750.45 in cash.”
The grandchild, absolutely floored and about to
become rich says, “Oh grandma, you are SO generous!
I didn’t even know you had a farm.
Where is it?”
With her last breath, Grandma whispered........
“Facebook…”
••
Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on."
Caddy: "This isn't the golf course . . . .
We left that an hour ago."
Caddy: "This isn't the golf course . . . .
We left that an hour ago."
••
"When I was a kid the meal consisted of two choices:
take it, or leave it".
take it, or leave it".
••
The day after visiting a fair, my wife was in agony.
"You know you’re past your prime," she said,
"when you hurt all over and all you rode was the
massage chair."
The day after visiting a fair, my wife was in agony.
"You know you’re past your prime," she said,
"when you hurt all over and all you rode was the
massage chair."
••
Two young women are talking.
Brenda: "How was your first date with John?"
Judy: "It was all right until after dinner, then on
the way home he stopped the car in a deserted lane
and started kissing me.
He then started feeling my bra and around my
panties - but I fooled him.
I had hidden my money in my shoe.
Brenda: "How was your first date with John?"
Judy: "It was all right until after dinner, then on
the way home he stopped the car in a deserted lane
and started kissing me.
He then started feeling my bra and around my
panties - but I fooled him.
I had hidden my money in my shoe.
••
A man walks past a beggar every day and gives him
$10.00 and that continues for a year.
Suddenly the daily donation changes to $7. 50.
“Well,” the beggar thinks, “it’s still better than
nothing.”
A year passes in this way until the man’s daily
donation suddenly becomes $5.00
“What’s going on now?” the beggar asks his donor.
“First you give me $10 every day, then $7.50 and
now only $5.00 What’s the problem?”
“Well,” the man says, “last year my eldest son went
to university.
It’s very expensive, so I had to cut costs.
This year my daughter also went to university, so I
had to cut my expenses even further.”
“And how many children do you have?” the beggar
asks.
“Four,” the man replies.
“Well,” says the beggar, “I hope you don’t plan to
educate them all at my expense.”
$10.00 and that continues for a year.
Suddenly the daily donation changes to $7. 50.
“Well,” the beggar thinks, “it’s still better than
nothing.”
A year passes in this way until the man’s daily
donation suddenly becomes $5.00
“What’s going on now?” the beggar asks his donor.
“First you give me $10 every day, then $7.50 and
now only $5.00 What’s the problem?”
“Well,” the man says, “last year my eldest son went
to university.
It’s very expensive, so I had to cut costs.
This year my daughter also went to university, so I
had to cut my expenses even further.”
“And how many children do you have?” the beggar
asks.
“Four,” the man replies.
“Well,” says the beggar, “I hope you don’t plan to
educate them all at my expense.”
••
A Congressional aide asks the politician:
"What are we going to do about the new
abortion bill?"
The politician's reply: "Shhhhh -- just pay it."
"What are we going to do about the new
abortion bill?"
The politician's reply: "Shhhhh -- just pay it."
••
A wonderful bird is the pelican
His bill will hold more that his belican.
He can take in his beak Food enough for a week,
But I'm danmed if i can see how the helican...
His bill will hold more that his belican.
He can take in his beak Food enough for a week,
But I'm danmed if i can see how the helican...
••
There are three kinds of people in the world:
Those who can count and those who cannot.
Those who can count and those who cannot.
••
Little old lady at US immigration.
OFFICIAL: Do you advocate the overthrow of the
government by violence or subversion?
Pause for thought...
LITTLE OLD LADY: Violence, I think.
OFFICIAL: Do you advocate the overthrow of the
government by violence or subversion?
Pause for thought...
LITTLE OLD LADY: Violence, I think.
••
