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Zebras....... Are they just life-size barcodes?
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A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his
audience.
He said: "The best years of my life were spent in the
arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!"
The audience was in silence and shock.
The speaker added: "And that woman was my mother!"
There was laughter and applause.
A week later, a top manager trained by the
motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective
joke at home.
He was a bit foggy after a drink.
He said loudly to his wife who was preparing dinner,
"The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms
of a woman who was not my wife."
The wife went: "Aahhhh!" with shock and rage.
Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the
second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted
out "...and I can't remember who she was."
By the time the manager regained his consciousness,
he was on a hospital bed nursing burns from boiling
water....
The moral of the story is don't copy if you can't paste..
audience.
He said: "The best years of my life were spent in the
arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!"
The audience was in silence and shock.
The speaker added: "And that woman was my mother!"
There was laughter and applause.
A week later, a top manager trained by the
motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective
joke at home.
He was a bit foggy after a drink.
He said loudly to his wife who was preparing dinner,
"The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms
of a woman who was not my wife."
The wife went: "Aahhhh!" with shock and rage.
Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the
second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted
out "...and I can't remember who she was."
By the time the manager regained his consciousness,
he was on a hospital bed nursing burns from boiling
water....
The moral of the story is don't copy if you can't paste..
••
Sincerity is the most important thing in politics
whether you mean it or not.
whether you mean it or not.
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There was a bit of confusion at the store this morning.
When I was ready to pay for my groceries the cashier
said, "Strip down, facing me."
Making a mental note to complain to my
congressman about Homeland Security running
amok, I did just as she had instructed.
When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally
subsided, I found out that she was referring to the
direction I was to use my credit card in the machine!
I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.
They need to make their instructions to us seniors a
little clearer!
When I was ready to pay for my groceries the cashier
said, "Strip down, facing me."
Making a mental note to complain to my
congressman about Homeland Security running
amok, I did just as she had instructed.
When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally
subsided, I found out that she was referring to the
direction I was to use my credit card in the machine!
I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.
They need to make their instructions to us seniors a
little clearer!
••
Overheard in a Hollywood bar,
Actress 1: "At one time my breasts were insured for
$2 million".
Actress 2: "Did you get the money?"
Overheard in a Hollywood bar,
Actress 1: "At one time my breasts were insured for
$2 million".
Actress 2: "Did you get the money?"
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I answered the door last night and there was a
group of girls standing in the porch with a bag full
of alcohol.
"We're here for the party." they smiled.
"The house is already busy," I said, swigging my
lager, "But I'll let you in if you show me your tits."
So they all showed me their tits and said,
"Can we come in now?"
I said, "You can if you want but the party's next door."
group of girls standing in the porch with a bag full
of alcohol.
"We're here for the party." they smiled.
"The house is already busy," I said, swigging my
lager, "But I'll let you in if you show me your tits."
So they all showed me their tits and said,
"Can we come in now?"
I said, "You can if you want but the party's next door."
••
Gus was out running at 1am and he saw his neighbor.
The neighbor said, “It’s a bit late for jogging, isn’t it?”
Gus replied, “I couldn’t sleep.”
The neighbor came back with.......
“That’s not what I meant, fat ass…”
The neighbor said, “It’s a bit late for jogging, isn’t it?”
Gus replied, “I couldn’t sleep.”
The neighbor came back with.......
“That’s not what I meant, fat ass…”
♥♥
Obama ordered Congress to set aside a billion dollars
for a new research project.
He wants to know why global warming goes away in
the winter.
for a new research project.
He wants to know why global warming goes away in
the winter.
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The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet,
Doctor Quiet and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift
Doctor Quiet and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift
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