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An elephant was down by a watering hole having a
drink when he saw a turtle out of the corner of his
eye.
Reacting with immediate swiftness he ran down to
the water's edge, jumped up into the air and landed
on the turtle, turning it to a revolting pulp.
A giraffe standing nearby noticed this and, faintly
sickened, asked the elephant why he'd squished the
turtle.
The elephant calmly replied by saying that particular
turtle had given him a nasty bite on his trunk some
50 years earlier, with no provocation, and he had
now got his revenge.
"Wow," said the giraffe, "you must have an
incredible memory."
The elephant nodded proudly ..."Yes, it's turtle recall."
drink when he saw a turtle out of the corner of his
eye.
Reacting with immediate swiftness he ran down to
the water's edge, jumped up into the air and landed
on the turtle, turning it to a revolting pulp.
A giraffe standing nearby noticed this and, faintly
sickened, asked the elephant why he'd squished the
turtle.
The elephant calmly replied by saying that particular
turtle had given him a nasty bite on his trunk some
50 years earlier, with no provocation, and he had
now got his revenge.
"Wow," said the giraffe, "you must have an
incredible memory."
The elephant nodded proudly ..."Yes, it's turtle recall."
••
Astronomers have discovered a planet that is twice the
size of earth and made of diamonds.
President Obama says the planet may be inhabited
by aliens not paying their fair share.
President Obama says the planet may be inhabited
by aliens not paying their fair share.
••
What is the craziest excuse you have ever come up
with for skipping a day at the office?
Try these:
My dog is having a nervous breakdown;
my toe is stuck in a faucet;
I forgot you hired me for this position; and,
lastly, I saw The Hunger Games, and it upset me too
much to come in today.
with for skipping a day at the office?
Try these:
My dog is having a nervous breakdown;
my toe is stuck in a faucet;
I forgot you hired me for this position; and,
lastly, I saw The Hunger Games, and it upset me too
much to come in today.
••
A man about to have a heart transplant was offered
the choice of either a 26 year-old marathon runners
heart or the heart of a 62 year-old IRS agent.
He picked the agent’s heart because he said it had
never been used.
the choice of either a 26 year-old marathon runners
heart or the heart of a 62 year-old IRS agent.
He picked the agent’s heart because he said it had
never been used.
••
Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay
away from things they don't understand, such as
working for a living.
away from things they don't understand, such as
working for a living.
••
Did anyone hear about the acrobat who caught his
wife in the act?
wife in the act?
••
A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and
said, “Bill, I want you to promise me that when I die
you will have my remains cremated.”
“And what,” his friend asked, “Do you want me to do
with your ashes?”
The businessman said, “Just put them in an
envelope and mail them to the Internal Revenue
Service and write on the envelope, “Now you have
everything.”
said, “Bill, I want you to promise me that when I die
you will have my remains cremated.”
“And what,” his friend asked, “Do you want me to do
with your ashes?”
The businessman said, “Just put them in an
envelope and mail them to the Internal Revenue
Service and write on the envelope, “Now you have
everything.”
••
I want to join a violent, armed group with no regard
for the law… but the IRS isn’t hiring.
for the law… but the IRS isn’t hiring.
••
