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•••
♥
The young wife was in tears when she opened the
door for her husband.
"I've been insulted," she sobbed.
"Your mother insulted me."
"My mother!" he exclaimed.
"But she is a hundred miles away."
"I know, but a letter came for you this morning and
I opened it."
He looked stern, "I see, but where does the insult
come in?"
"In the postscript," she answered.
"It said: 'Dear Alice, don't forget to give this letter to
George.'
door for her husband.
"I've been insulted," she sobbed.
"Your mother insulted me."
"My mother!" he exclaimed.
"But she is a hundred miles away."
"I know, but a letter came for you this morning and
I opened it."
He looked stern, "I see, but where does the insult
come in?"
"In the postscript," she answered.
"It said: 'Dear Alice, don't forget to give this letter to
George.'
••
For his wife's birthday, a doctor ordered a cake with
this; "You are not getting older, You are getting better."
When asked how he wanted it arranged, he said,
"Just put 'You are not getting older' at the top, and
'You are just getting better' at the bottom."
It wasn't until the good doctor was ready to serve
the cake that he discovered it read:
"YOU ARE NOT GETTING OLDER AT THE TOP,
YOU ARE JUST GETTING BETTER AT THE BOTTOM."
this; "You are not getting older, You are getting better."
When asked how he wanted it arranged, he said,
"Just put 'You are not getting older' at the top, and
'You are just getting better' at the bottom."
It wasn't until the good doctor was ready to serve
the cake that he discovered it read:
"YOU ARE NOT GETTING OLDER AT THE TOP,
YOU ARE JUST GETTING BETTER AT THE BOTTOM."
••
When her late husband's will was read, a widow
learnt he had left the bulk of his fortune to another
woman.
Enraged, she rushed to change the inscription on her
spouse's tombstone.
"Sorry, lady," said the stone cutter.
"I inscribed 'Rest in Peace' on your orders.
I can't change it now."
"Very well," she said grimly.
"Just add, 'Until We Meet Again'."
learnt he had left the bulk of his fortune to another
woman.
Enraged, she rushed to change the inscription on her
spouse's tombstone.
"Sorry, lady," said the stone cutter.
"I inscribed 'Rest in Peace' on your orders.
I can't change it now."
"Very well," she said grimly.
"Just add, 'Until We Meet Again'."
••
Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break
about being out late the night before.
The first man signed to his friend, "My wife was
asleep when I got home, so I was able to sneak into
bed, and not get into trouble."
The second deaf man signed back, "Boy, you're lucky.
My wife was wide awake, waiting for me in bed, and
she started swearing at me and giving me heck for
being out so late."
The first deaf man asked, "So, what did you do?"
The second deaf man signed, "I turned out the light!"
about being out late the night before.
The first man signed to his friend, "My wife was
asleep when I got home, so I was able to sneak into
bed, and not get into trouble."
The second deaf man signed back, "Boy, you're lucky.
My wife was wide awake, waiting for me in bed, and
she started swearing at me and giving me heck for
being out so late."
The first deaf man asked, "So, what did you do?"
The second deaf man signed, "I turned out the light!"
••
A wife goes to the local market to buy some organic
vegetables for her husband.
She came back rather upset.
When her husband asked her what was wrong,
she said, "I don't think I like that produce guy.
I went and looked around for organic vegetables and
I couldn't find any.
So I asked him, 'Where the organic Vegetables were?'
He didn't know what I was talking about so I said,
'These vegetables are for my husbands.
Have they been sprayed with any poisonous
chemicals?
And he said, 'No, ma'am. You'll have to do that
yourself'."
vegetables for her husband.
She came back rather upset.
When her husband asked her what was wrong,
she said, "I don't think I like that produce guy.
I went and looked around for organic vegetables and
I couldn't find any.
So I asked him, 'Where the organic Vegetables were?'
He didn't know what I was talking about so I said,
'These vegetables are for my husbands.
Have they been sprayed with any poisonous
chemicals?
And he said, 'No, ma'am. You'll have to do that
yourself'."
••
A woman was taking her time browsing through
everything at a friend's yard sale, and said to her,
"My husband is going to be very angry I stopped at a
yard sale."
"I'm sure he'll understand when you tell him about
all the bargains you found," her friend replied.
"Normally, yes," she said.
"But he just broke his leg, and he's waiting for me
to take him to the hospital to have it set."
everything at a friend's yard sale, and said to her,
"My husband is going to be very angry I stopped at a
yard sale."
"I'm sure he'll understand when you tell him about
all the bargains you found," her friend replied.
"Normally, yes," she said.
"But he just broke his leg, and he's waiting for me
to take him to the hospital to have it set."
••
I'm more confused than a mood ring on a paranoid
bipolar schizophrenic chameleon in a bag of skittles!
bipolar schizophrenic chameleon in a bag of skittles!
••
One time I was at a social function and the meal was
served buffet style.
About a fourth of the guests had just gotten seated
and started eating when the waitstaff decided it was
time to clear the tables.
The waiter reached to take my plate I hadn't had more
than a couple bites from and I speared his hand with
my fork.
That ended the table clearing.
About 15 minutes later he returned and politely asked
if I was finished with my plate........
served buffet style.
About a fourth of the guests had just gotten seated
and started eating when the waitstaff decided it was
time to clear the tables.
The waiter reached to take my plate I hadn't had more
than a couple bites from and I speared his hand with
my fork.
That ended the table clearing.
About 15 minutes later he returned and politely asked
if I was finished with my plate........
••
