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♥
Was at a Football game when right in front of me a
man collapsed.
I bent down to examine the guy when suddenly a
woman came rushing down the isle, pushed me out of
the way, and yelled: "I am a nurse, I know what I am
doing!"
I calmly replied: "When you get to the part where you
call out that someone should call a doctor, let me
know....... I am right here!"
man collapsed.
I bent down to examine the guy when suddenly a
woman came rushing down the isle, pushed me out of
the way, and yelled: "I am a nurse, I know what I am
doing!"
I calmly replied: "When you get to the part where you
call out that someone should call a doctor, let me
know....... I am right here!"
••
"Doctor, What are my odds of getting better?" asked
the worried patient.
"All Good News, One hundred per cent Recovery!"
replied the physician.
"Medical records show that nine out of every ten die
of the disease.
Since, yours is the tenth case I've treated and the
others all died, you're odds are that you will get better
and recover."
the worried patient.
"All Good News, One hundred per cent Recovery!"
replied the physician.
"Medical records show that nine out of every ten die
of the disease.
Since, yours is the tenth case I've treated and the
others all died, you're odds are that you will get better
and recover."
••
Growing up as a kid, I learned all about capitalism
through the board game Monopoly.
What better way to teach a young mind the way our
economy functions.
I loved this game and still do.
Only now, as an adult.
I have questions that remain unanswered.
For instance, if I have all this money and own all this
real estate, why am I still driving around in a thimble?
Growing up as a kid, I learned all about capitalism
through the board game Monopoly.
What better way to teach a young mind the way our
economy functions.
I loved this game and still do.
Only now, as an adult.
I have questions that remain unanswered.
For instance, if I have all this money and own all this
real estate, why am I still driving around in a thimble?
••
My girl wants to change the engagement rules.
She tells me, "Babe, why do I got to wear a ring and
let guys know I'm taken, and you don't got to wear
nothing?"
I told her, "Babe, I wear my sad face every day."
Needless to say the wedding has been canceled.
If interested I have an engagement ring for sell,
you can find it on ebay.
My girl wants to change the engagement rules.
She tells me, "Babe, why do I got to wear a ring and
let guys know I'm taken, and you don't got to wear
nothing?"
I told her, "Babe, I wear my sad face every day."
Needless to say the wedding has been canceled.
If interested I have an engagement ring for sell,
you can find it on ebay.
••
It's Paddy's wedding and Murphy gets up to give his
best man speech....
"I will keep this short and sweet,as I don't want to mess
it up by saying somethin that upsets people,
so raise your glasses and wish Paddy and his
beautiful new bride a wonderful honeymoon in Wales."
Paddy shouts "What the heck you going on about
Murphy,we aren't going to Wales on our honeymoon"
"Oh,my mistake" said Murphy "I thought you said
you was going to Bangor for two weeks after the
reception."
best man speech....
"I will keep this short and sweet,as I don't want to mess
it up by saying somethin that upsets people,
so raise your glasses and wish Paddy and his
beautiful new bride a wonderful honeymoon in Wales."
Paddy shouts "What the heck you going on about
Murphy,we aren't going to Wales on our honeymoon"
"Oh,my mistake" said Murphy "I thought you said
you was going to Bangor for two weeks after the
reception."
••
Yesterday my boss asked me to fetch a 30-yard roll
of bubble wrap from the store room.
I brought it to her but her hands were full so she told
me to just pop it in the corner.
Took me over an hour.
of bubble wrap from the store room.
I brought it to her but her hands were full so she told
me to just pop it in the corner.
Took me over an hour.
••
Getting back together with an old girlfriend is pathetic. It's like
having a garage sale and buying your own stuff back.
having a garage sale and buying your own stuff back.
••
There was a couple of Green Berets...
that lived in my neighborhood when I was a kid..
They beat me up all the time.
My mother called them girl scouts which proved she
knew nothing about the Army.
that lived in my neighborhood when I was a kid..
They beat me up all the time.
My mother called them girl scouts which proved she
knew nothing about the Army.
••
