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Mary: My daughter believes in preventative medicine,
doctor.
Doctor: Oh, really?
Mary: Yes, she tries to prevent me from making her
take it!
doctor.
Doctor: Oh, really?
Mary: Yes, she tries to prevent me from making her
take it!
••
Gus : Why do mommy kangaroos hate rainy days?
Pete : Because then the kids have to play inside.
Pete : Because then the kids have to play inside.
••
Answering Machine Message 141....
Hello, I'm not here right now.
In fact, I'm out getting a new parakeet.
If you leave a message after the beep, I'll be sure to
get back to you.
Oh, and by the way, a word of advice; never try to
clean a parakeet cage with a vacuum cleaner.
Hello, I'm not here right now.
In fact, I'm out getting a new parakeet.
If you leave a message after the beep, I'll be sure to
get back to you.
Oh, and by the way, a word of advice; never try to
clean a parakeet cage with a vacuum cleaner.
••
Some people should use a glue stick instead
of a chapstick.....
of a chapstick.....
••
What a Woman thinks;
The most perfect man in the world is her father.
The most abused husband in the world is her brother.
The most handsome man in the world is her son.
The luckiest and happiest man in the world is her
sister's husband.
The most thankful man in the world is her son in law,
And the worst, most selfish, heartless, total jerk and
the man with worst behavior in the world is her
Husband...
The most perfect man in the world is her father.
The most abused husband in the world is her brother.
The most handsome man in the world is her son.
The luckiest and happiest man in the world is her
sister's husband.
The most thankful man in the world is her son in law,
And the worst, most selfish, heartless, total jerk and
the man with worst behavior in the world is her
Husband...
••
My pet mouse Elvis died today :(
He was caught in a trap...
He was caught in a trap...
••
"Miss, why do sharks circle before attacking people?"
asked little Mary... "Surely it gives a chance to escape?"
"Well I can't say I know that one Mary," answered the
teacher.
"Can anyone else in the class help me with this?"
"Please Miss! I know!" shouted little Johnny.
"Go on then Johnny and this had better be good!"
tutted the teacher.
"Well Miss, maybe sharks like eating people without
the crap inside them?"
asked little Mary... "Surely it gives a chance to escape?"
"Well I can't say I know that one Mary," answered the
teacher.
"Can anyone else in the class help me with this?"
"Please Miss! I know!" shouted little Johnny.
"Go on then Johnny and this had better be good!"
tutted the teacher.
"Well Miss, maybe sharks like eating people without
the crap inside them?"
••
I walked into McDonalds and said to the cashier,
"I've just bought a burger from you, I took one bite
and 2 teeth fell out."
"Maybe you bit down too hard?" she replied.
"They're not my teeth."
"I've just bought a burger from you, I took one bite
and 2 teeth fell out."
"Maybe you bit down too hard?" she replied.
"They're not my teeth."
••
First the doctor told me the good news:
I was going to have a disease named after me.
I was going to have a disease named after me.
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