Down Hummingbird Lane

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♥

I got pulled over by a bicycle cop in L.A. --
not a motorcycle cop, a bicycle cop.
And Im in my car, and he gets out -- hes sweating,
hes got these little shorts on.
You know how fast you were going? Yeah,
a lot faster than that bike.

 

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The wife asked me to help her clean the loft out.
What a mess.
Filthy dirty and covered in cobwebs.
She's good with the kids though.

 

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A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat
reluctant to allow his wife to drive his prize possession
even to the grocery store, which was a few blocks
from the house.
 After she insisted, he finally relented, cautioning her
as she departed, "Remember, if you have an accident,
the newspaper will print your age."

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I wouldn't want to fly Virgin.
Who'd want to fly an airline that doesn't go all the way?

 

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I think if you're gonna get a tattoo, just get one:
the words, I'm dumb.
Thats it.
That way in 10 years, when you go, Why did I get this?,
you can be like, Oh, I'm dumb!

 

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Q: What does a blonde name her pet Zebra?
A: Spot.

 

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Rabinovitj sits in the Moscow subway reading the
Torah.
A KGB agent approaches and says "Religious
literature is forbidden in the Soviet Union".
Rabinovitj: "I am an old man who will die soon and
when I get to paradise I must know the holy language
 - Hebrew."
The agent: "What if you go to hell?"
Rabinovitj: "No problem..... I already know Russian."

 

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How many ears has Captain Kirk got?
Three - one left ear, one right ear and space,
the final front ear.
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