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♥
Halloween is pay day, folks.
A lot of parents are strange; they say, Ration the
candy.
I say, Let them eat as much as they want --
they throw up, the rest is mine.
Thats how I handle Halloween.
A lot of parents are strange; they say, Ration the
candy.
I say, Let them eat as much as they want --
they throw up, the rest is mine.
Thats how I handle Halloween.
••
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
••
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible,
in a position as uncomfortable for the people
involved, and as comfortable as possible for the cat.
in a position as uncomfortable for the people
involved, and as comfortable as possible for the cat.
••
Husbands, Bill and Doug, were discussing their
married lives.
Although happily married, they admitted that there
were argument sometimes.
Then Bill said, "I've made one great discovery.
I now know how to always have the last word."
"Wow!" said Doug, "How do you manage that?"
"It's easy," replied Bill.
"My last words are always 'Yes, Dear."
Husbands, Bill and Doug, were discussing their
married lives.
Although happily married, they admitted that there
were argument sometimes.
Then Bill said, "I've made one great discovery.
I now know how to always have the last word."
"Wow!" said Doug, "How do you manage that?"
"It's easy," replied Bill.
"My last words are always 'Yes, Dear."
••
Q: How did the blonde rob the drive-up window at
the drive-in bank?
A: She put her gun in the little basket along with a
note that said "This is a stick-up"....
the drive-in bank?
A: She put her gun in the little basket along with a
note that said "This is a stick-up"....
••
Flex complained to a doctor that he wetted his bed
every night.
"Before it happens, do you see any dreams?"
the doctor asked.
"Yes, doctor..... Usually I see a dream in which a
small demon comes and says, 'Let's pee.'
"OK," the doctor said. "Next time you see the demon,
say, No, we've already peed."
Next time Flex came to the doctor, the latter asked,
"So, did you do as I said?"
"Yes, I did."
"Did it help?"
"No, doctor..... Only, it made the matter worse."
"How?"
"As I said 'We've already peed,' the demon nodded
and said, Okay It's crap time then....
every night.
"Before it happens, do you see any dreams?"
the doctor asked.
"Yes, doctor..... Usually I see a dream in which a
small demon comes and says, 'Let's pee.'
"OK," the doctor said. "Next time you see the demon,
say, No, we've already peed."
Next time Flex came to the doctor, the latter asked,
"So, did you do as I said?"
"Yes, I did."
"Did it help?"
"No, doctor..... Only, it made the matter worse."
"How?"
"As I said 'We've already peed,' the demon nodded
and said, Okay It's crap time then....
••
If you are what you eat, then I'm fast, cheap and easy.
••
A young man finally got a job at the Post Office.
He was full of energy and eager to please.
The supervisor agreed to work with the new
employee, even though he had been warned that he
was still immature and knew nothing of the job.
The first job the supervisor gives the young man is
in sorting, and much to everyone's surprise, the new
employee separated the letters so fast that his
motions were literally a blur.
The supervisor was very pleased and asked the
young man to come into his office at the end of the
day.
He said, "I just want you to know that we are all very
proud of you.
You're one of the fastest workers we have ever had."
The humble young man said, "Thank you, sir.
And tomorrow, I'll try to do even better."
"Better?" the supervisor asked with astonishment.
"How can you possibly do better?"
The young man smiled proudly and said,
"Tomorrow, I am going to read the addresses."
He was full of energy and eager to please.
The supervisor agreed to work with the new
employee, even though he had been warned that he
was still immature and knew nothing of the job.
The first job the supervisor gives the young man is
in sorting, and much to everyone's surprise, the new
employee separated the letters so fast that his
motions were literally a blur.
The supervisor was very pleased and asked the
young man to come into his office at the end of the
day.
He said, "I just want you to know that we are all very
proud of you.
You're one of the fastest workers we have ever had."
The humble young man said, "Thank you, sir.
And tomorrow, I'll try to do even better."
"Better?" the supervisor asked with astonishment.
"How can you possibly do better?"
The young man smiled proudly and said,
"Tomorrow, I am going to read the addresses."
••
Halloween party tonight at the club and my wife's
excited as she's won first prize two years running.
Despite the fact she refuses to wear a costume.
excited as she's won first prize two years running.
Despite the fact she refuses to wear a costume.
••
