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♥
Man goes to the doctor.." Doctor, I've got a golf ball
stuck up my bottom"
Doctor says " Bend over and let me have a look"....
" Yeah you're right and it seems to have gone up a
fairway!"
stuck up my bottom"
Doctor says " Bend over and let me have a look"....
" Yeah you're right and it seems to have gone up a
fairway!"
••
Q: What's the real problem with Barack Obama jokes?
A: His followers don't think they're funny and....
The rest of us don’t think they're jokes!
A: His followers don't think they're funny and....
The rest of us don’t think they're jokes!
••
There was a little boy who had just learned to count
on his fingers.
One day his uncle came to visit and the boy was
anxious to show off his newly acquired skill.
He told the uncle to ask him an addition question.
So the uncle asked, "What is three plus four?"
The little boy counts it out on his fingers and said,
"Seven."
The uncle said, "Listen kid, you can't count it out on
your hands because someday when you are in school,
a teacher will get mad at you for it.
Now put your hands in your pockets."
So the little boy put his hands in his pockets and his
uncle asked, "What is five plus five?"
The uncle saw movement in the boys pockets,
then the boy said, "Eleven."
on his fingers.
One day his uncle came to visit and the boy was
anxious to show off his newly acquired skill.
He told the uncle to ask him an addition question.
So the uncle asked, "What is three plus four?"
The little boy counts it out on his fingers and said,
"Seven."
The uncle said, "Listen kid, you can't count it out on
your hands because someday when you are in school,
a teacher will get mad at you for it.
Now put your hands in your pockets."
So the little boy put his hands in his pockets and his
uncle asked, "What is five plus five?"
The uncle saw movement in the boys pockets,
then the boy said, "Eleven."
••
A mother and father were having a heated argument
in the kitchen.
Their six year daughter was sitting at the kitchen
table watching her parents, her little head moved
from side to side as she listened in.
The mother suddenly realised what they were doing,
immediately she stopped, and looked down at her
daughter.
"I'm so sorry sweetheart", she said with a quiet smile,
"Mummy and Daddy shouldn't argue in front of you
like that".
"That's alright mummy", she said with a bright smile,
"It's the only time I get to find out what's going on".
in the kitchen.
Their six year daughter was sitting at the kitchen
table watching her parents, her little head moved
from side to side as she listened in.
The mother suddenly realised what they were doing,
immediately she stopped, and looked down at her
daughter.
"I'm so sorry sweetheart", she said with a quiet smile,
"Mummy and Daddy shouldn't argue in front of you
like that".
"That's alright mummy", she said with a bright smile,
"It's the only time I get to find out what's going on".
••
Useless Knowledge:
Benjamin Franklin slept in four beds every night.
He had a theory that a warm bed sapped a man’s
vitality.
So when one bed became too warm, Old Ben jumped
into another.
Benjamin Franklin slept in four beds every night.
He had a theory that a warm bed sapped a man’s
vitality.
So when one bed became too warm, Old Ben jumped
into another.
••
I have been in many places, but I've never been
in Cahoots.
Apparently, you can't go alone.
You have to be in Cahoots with someone.
I've also never been in Cognito.
I hear no one recognizes you there.
I have, however, been in Sane.
They don't have an airport; you have to be driven
there.
I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends,
family and work.
I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to
jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity
anymore.
I have also been in Doubt.
That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there
too often.
I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very
important to stand firm.
Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often
as I'm getting older.
One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense!
It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up
the old heart!
At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!
And, sometimes I think I am in Vincible but life
shows me I am not!
in Cahoots.
Apparently, you can't go alone.
You have to be in Cahoots with someone.
I've also never been in Cognito.
I hear no one recognizes you there.
I have, however, been in Sane.
They don't have an airport; you have to be driven
there.
I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends,
family and work.
I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to
jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity
anymore.
I have also been in Doubt.
That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there
too often.
I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very
important to stand firm.
Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often
as I'm getting older.
One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense!
It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up
the old heart!
At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!
And, sometimes I think I am in Vincible but life
shows me I am not!
••
Just finished my tax papers on April 17.
I owe more than I got in my bank account, but feel
good that I am filing it on time.
I figure it’s ok to run a deficit, our government does!
I owe more than I got in my bank account, but feel
good that I am filing it on time.
I figure it’s ok to run a deficit, our government does!
••
So I was in the jungle and saw a monkey with a
banana and a tin opener.
I said "You don't need a tin opener to open a banana"
He said "It's for the custard stupid!"
banana and a tin opener.
I said "You don't need a tin opener to open a banana"
He said "It's for the custard stupid!"
••
And then there was my friend who'd just been fitted
with a brand new hearing aid.
"It's the best in the world", he said.
"What type is it?", I asked and he said
"ten past twelve"
with a brand new hearing aid.
"It's the best in the world", he said.
"What type is it?", I asked and he said
"ten past twelve"
••
